Post Holiday Slump.

When you fall asleep at 8pm... before your 2yr old... you know that it was an amazing holiday weekend spent with dear friends who at this point are basically family, especially when said toddler calls them uncle and auntie.

Unfortunately, it's 1am and I am now wide awake while hubby and toddler are sleeping peacefully. After traveling and spending time with people I love I always seem to get into a "slump," and right now I can't shake the thought that I should be doing so much more with my life - I just wish I knew what that was.

I am a Christian, daughter, grand daughter, sister, wife, daughter-in-law,  "auntie," mother, friend, university graduate, yet I still feel that longing for "a place to belong." I have always wanted to work somewhere that allowed me to impact others lives positively, I just don't know how or in what capacity that is at the moment...

We Are America

If you are grieving today, I grieve with you. 
If you are celebrating today, I celebrate with you. 

What I will NOT do:

• Bash you for your choices
• Ridicule your point of view
• Question your beliefs
• Belittle you
• Gloat 

So, I beg of you all. Please do the same. The world is not ending and the President is not a supreme being. Stop threatening to leave America (unless you actually have the funds and ability to do so, I wish you luck on that endeavor), instead choose today to be a light in a world of darkness - choose to play an active role in things you are passionate about. Whether that means volunteering, writing letters, etc. But most of all - be compassionate. People are people, no matter their political affiliation, race, religion, or sex. Be a good neighbor, an inspiring coach, an involved classroom mom, etc. 

WE ARE AMERICA. 

Not the president...

E Pluribus Unam.

Lakeside Contemplation.

Tonight's lakeside contemplation...

I love the diversity of backgrounds my friends come from, but right now I am so tired of my Facebook feed basically being article after article of mudslinging. If we all stopped focusing on three people, whom will most likely never even know our names much less what our lives are like - how we make a living, who our friends are, what our goals and dreams are, where we go to church, where our favorite local burger joint is, which beach we end up on to clear our minds, etc. and simply focused on each other I truly think we'd be better off! Be a great family member, neighbor, volunteer, write your senator/congressman, help invoke policies that directly relate to what you dream and desire to see changed! Clinton, Trump, and Johnson aren't going to be there for you when times get tough in your personal life - don't push away those that will.

10,978 days.

A HUGE part of me wants to freak out, say this can't be true, where did my twenties go, how am I this old, what have I truly accomplished in my life, and on and on... But, as I look back - I have lived an amazing life. One that others may look at and wish they had. One life. My life.

I didn't grow up with the "best" of everything, but I did grow up with everything I needed (and more). We had a nice house, our own rooms, and plenty of food in the fridge. One set of grandparents lived 10min away and we stayed with them often when we were younger. I had clothes, shoes, and sports gear even if it was second hand it all served its purpose and saved my parents money that was used for our sports fees and annual family trips. It also taught me the value of the dollar, thrift stores, a good sale, and savings! I'm sure my mom will point out we didn't always see eye to eye, but what teenager does especially when all the "cool" kids are dressing in name brands, etc.

We didn't have a pool but who needs one when all the neighbor's do and your family has a boat (and a timeshare to Lake Havasu)! Growing up in the desert lead to outdoor hiking adventures and fun on quads/dirt bikes both of which my dad bought for my sister and I after much research and finding them used at a great price via the classified ads (you know, those things prior to Craigslist!)
I didn't get a brand spankin' new car for my 16th birthday like 75% of my high school class, but I did learn to drive manual, change my oil, fix a flat, check my fluids, and watch my tire pressure... All things hardly anyone then much less now knows how to do! Thanks mom and dad. Not to mention my 4x4 1988 Pathfinder was a pretty awesome little beast.

I don't remember much about school other than I never felt like I fit in very well from Kindergarten all the way until my sophomore year of college... But I do remember my parents supporting, pushing, and tutoring me in everything I went for... From the 5th grade ELP exams, to dual credit high school courses, and SAT studies. Through all the homework tears they never gave up on me and I was the first one in our family to receive a full-ride tuition scholarship followed by a bachelor's degree (my awesome sister got the masters!).

Sports came and went ...didn't like gymnastics, didn't like figure skating, but I wasn't allowed to give up without completing the session, teaching me to follow through with things. I fell into soccer and my parents spent years driving us all over the southwest for weekend tournaments. The same for roller hockey, but they took it a step further being our coaches for a number of seasons and sticking up for us as the only girls playing.

Before I could even walk I went to Hawaii, who knew I would move there 24yrs later? I have lived in Arizona, California, Maryland, Hawaii, and Virginia. I have visited: Colorado, Florida, Kentucky, Missouri, Nevada, New Mexico, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, and Washington (I didn't include drive-thru or lay-over states: Illinois, Indiana, Oklahoma, West Virginia).

I've also traveled to Mexico (Puerto Penasco, Cabo San Lucas, San Luis, Costa Maya, Cozumel), Canada (Victoria, BC), Belize (Belize City), and studied abroad in New Zealand (Auckland, Rotorua, Tauranga) and Australia (Sydney, Canberra, Cairns, Brisbane). We also went to "the happiest place on earth" often when we were younger because my other grandparents lived just a few miles away in Garden Grove, CA (spoiled!).

I met my husband at 20yrs old and we got married when I was 23. Since then we've lived in 3 states and 4 homes, had 3 guinea pigs, 4 cars total (2 currently still), I've had 3 jobs, attended 3 churches, and most importantly we welcomed our son into he world! It seems surreal that this coming month we will celebrate 7yrs of marriage.

My life hasn't been "a complete fairytale"... I've dealt with minor things like hurt feelings, loneliness,  and heartbreak ...to major things like my dad's cancer diagnosis/treatments, anxiety/panic attacks, losing a set of grandparents, being ostracized by extended family, and having what I thought were good friends fall to the wayside or leave me behind completely. We continually move to places where I know no one and despite my degree I don't have a career or even a job to speak of at the moment. I've lost childhood friends to war and PTSD, seen friends lose their parents/siblings, some go through terrible separations/divorce, witnessed others battle over custody of children, and one of the worst things ever - seeing dear friends watch their babies fight to live only to have some pass away.

All that being said there has been plenty of good! Weddings, babies being born, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, fun trips, spontaneous adventures, surprises, girls nights, gaining lifelong friends, deepening my relationship with Christ, and so many tiny everyday "happy moments" I've lost track of!

God blessed me with entering this world in 1986 and 30yrs later I am still here. A little more confident, wiser, yet rough around the edges. A good friend posted this: "Do not regret growing older, it is a privilege denied to many."

Here's to no regrets - only learning from mistakes, loving those I hold dear, and continually living life to the fullest!

I’m Done.

I'm done with y'all. D-O-N-E. Black, brown, white. 
I love you - all of you. 
Please stop fighting. 
Stop killing. 
Stop rioting. 
Just stop. 

Injustice and racism is, sadly, real and prevalent. I am not trying to say otherwise. What I am saying is the more we fight, argue, spit venomous words, beat each other up, burn down our cities, and in extreme cases kill all we are doing is making the line drawn in the sand become a trench, deeper and deeper it goes.

Once we hit the bottom, then what? The winner is the one who claws their way to the top? Dog eat dog? There's no true victory in that situation. 

Let's talk - peacefully - about the issues. Protest all you want without rioting. They are two different things... the definition of protesting is to "express an objection to what someone has said or done" while a riot is "a violent disturbance of the peace by a crowd."

Is there an easy answer? An easy fix? No, there is not. But anything worth fixing takes time and effort. The first thing we need to start doing - love one another. Then listen to each other. Finally work towards a solution. TOGETHER.

15yrs Later.

15 years ago I was eating breakfast with my mom when the towers were struck, I still went to school that day, but all we really did each period was watch the news in utter disbelief. 

15 years ago I was a freshman in  high school, the vast majority of this year's freshman class will learn about the events of September 11th as actual HISTORY. As in, they weren't born yet when this historic day took place. 

15 years of an empty place at the dinner table and a hole in the hearts of people who lost a loved one that day. 

15 years and the war is still going on.

15 years worth of deployments and some brave men and women only returning to their families in caskets draped by a flag. The American Flag. 

15 years ago our country stood united... 

15 years later - I feel as though we are more divided than ever. 

For today, can we please stand as "One Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." That is my prayer.

Social Media is a Can of Worms.

I have always hated the media, but I think I'm starting to hate the Internet/social media even more...

The media has always been "compromised," they are either on the right or the left or are getting paid off by someone. That's just how it is. Feel good stories are far and few ...scandal, death, etc. are what keep people on their channel, reading their paper or website.

But the internet, social media especially, is a can of worms. Before websites, chat rooms, instant messaging, MySpace, Facebook (oh, Facebook), people had to spread their conspiracy theories and hatred (be it racist, sexist, etc.) through word of mouth or print. Now anyone, anyone can be a "keyboard warrior" and have their words read within a matter of minutes, seconds even.

I love the social media for keeping me connected with family since we live so far away, but other than that it just frustrates me. Lies are perpetuated. Hate is re-posted at lightning speed. Everyone has something negative to say about some "other group," some "policy," some "outrageous" act.

I could link a few to help explain but since you're reading this I'm sure you aren't blind to other posts... and I don't want to feed the beast.

I know it's not feasible for us to all get along, but I'm really starting to think that our country is in for some serious trouble in the upcoming years. I feel like we're moving backwards despite everyone saying we're making forward progress in our thinking and policies. 

• The law is failing us.
• The people are divided.
• Political correctness is becoming ridiculous.
• People are trying to erase history instead of learning from it.
• What we stand for is being tested and re-imagined.
• Conspiracies are coursing throughout the veins of many in this country eating into the hearts of other citizens.
• Everyone is offended by something and now feels the right to call foul on it all.