Military Marriage

I get asked the weirdest things sometimes regarding my marriage... a recent one was “knowing what you do now about the military lifestyle would you still have have chosen to marry your husband?”

After my initial blank stare and thinking “wait, for real?” in my head... yes, unequivocally yes. First, I fell in love with him, not his job. Second, I met him after he had already joined the military, this was already his chosen career path so that was present right from the start. I know what you’re thinking though- “what about the separations, the deployments, the trainings, the constant moves, the lack of a career for you, everything you’ve given up?” Well let me address those...

Being separated from the one you love regardless of a TDY, training exercise, or deployment teaches you a lot about yourself. You figure out what you can handle on your own, you set a schedule that works for you, you dig into the community and find a tribe like no other, you get it done. It also makes you appreciate your time with your spouse that much more. Do we argue, get on each other’s nerves, push each others buttons, go through periods of not liking one another. Yes, yes, yes a hundred times yes. But love. Always. Even amongst the fights and tears.

As far as my lack of career and sacrifices that I’ve made, well yes, it’s interesting and frustrating all at the same time. I gave up a job opportunity with Norwegian Cruise Lines to marry my husband and move 2,300mi away from everything and everyone I knew. I have a degree in Recreation and Tourism Management,  that has never been used for the intended purpose. I easily could have, especially during our time in Hawaii, however nights and weekends are the main work hours in this field (besides school programs which I hope to get into someday) and if I chose that then I would never see my husband (and now children), which wasn’t worth it to me. Plus, throw in the cost of childcare and not seeing my babies hit milestones, you get where I’m going with this. That is not to say I haven’t worked! In Maryland I worked for a school and sports portrait company. In Hawaii I ran my own photography business and was hired by a team of realtors to handle their social media and marketing- which I actually still do today remotely from Virginia! 

As far as moving every 2-4yrs. Yes it’s hard. I can’t sugar coat that. However, I never would have been able to afford a place in Hawaii with the ocean less than an 1/8th of a mile from my front door. I never would have chosen to live in Maryland or Virgina but both places have offered amazing road trip experiences and friendships. Speaking of friendships... I’m not one of those people with a best friend who I grew up with, my closest, most understanding, and real friendships have come from meeting and diving into relationships with people in each place I’ve lived.

This life, as I assume with any lifestyle/marriage, is a give and take. Do I feel like I give more somedays? Definitely. However my husband’s mind and body is pushed to the limit daily and he loves his job so there’s nothing I would want to say to take that away from him. People seem to think marriage is 50/50... but that’s just inadequate. You can’t devote half yourself to something so important. Marriage is 100/100... you devote everything you have so when your spouse drops to 50% your love carries them through, and vice versus. It’s not a game to see who does more. There isn’t a winner or loser within a team. 

#RedforEd #InvestInAZ

The silence is killing me.
My silence that is...
The general population has gone cuckoo once again.

"Teachers are greedy, selfish, self-centered, etc." 
I even saw a few people calling them thugs! Thugs. 
Really? 

thug

THəɡ/

noun

plural noun: thugs

1.

a violent person, especially a criminal.

synonyms:

ruffian, hooligan, vandal, hoodlum, gangster, villain, criminal;

 
I'll tell you what- my sister is a middle school teacher. She goes in long before the kids show up, she stays long after they leave, she coaches three different sports, she doesn't "have summers off" because she is taking Personal Development Classes (that she has to pay for, yet are required of her), attending STEM conferences, teaching summer school, and working on her upcoming lesson plans. And, excuse me, but even if she were making "the average $48k" per year, all of you saying that they get the summers "off" means that in the course of a year she is making $4,000 per month BEFORE taxes are taken out and BEFORE health & dental insurance is taken out.

She is not part of the Teacher's Union. She doesn't want to walk out on her students. In fact, she and a majority of teachers have worked with their district governing board to partner with the local community recreation centers. So, she may be walking out of the classroom... but it will be across the street to the community center to be with her students whose parents cannot afford to keep them home from school. Sure sounds selfish to me.

She doesn't care about claiming a political party nor blaming one over the other. I completely agree with her, this should be a human issue, not a political issue. Private schooling cannot be the answer if we want Arizona (and the country for that matter) to be able to compete with the world in regards to educational standards. Every child should have access to a decent education. Many students are using books that were published decades before they were even born, some classrooms don't have enough chairs/desks and the ones they do have are rickety. Educational supplies aside, when your child has to use the bathroom at school - don't you want it to be clean and stocked with toilet paper and hand soap? The janitorial staff is just as underfunded (falling under the education budget), so in addition to teaching your children all day long your child's teacher may be staying late to help clean bathroom counters and scrub toilets. Some even purchase soap and hand sanitizer for their students to use. That's in their job description, right?

What I really can't understand are the people clamoring about the teachers walking out “setting a bad example for their children,” when just a month ago the vast majority were praising all the high school students for doing exactly the same thing. Is it wrong for me to believe that an educator with a 4-6yrs+ degree and ___# of years in their profession should be trusted on the issue of education more than a 15-17yr old kid yelling about gun control (when they legally cannot purchase a weapon) or, you know maybe they just walked out to skip class?

A pay raise - the threat of the teacher walk-out is not actually about that, if it were this wouldn't be happening. Teachers would have just taken the 20% promised and continued on with their jobs, but they don't want it to be taken away from public safety, etc like so many news reports and online posts I've seen have been stating. Arizona educators want to know specifically where the funding is coming from, they want to know it will actually be used for said purposes, and they would like to know where the money that was devoted to education went when Governor Ducey took office.

The utter vile, hatred, and shameful things coming out of people's mouths directed towards teachers shocks me. If you are so worried about your children, I think you need to take a step back and think about the words you have said or typed. Are you being a good example for your child? Maybe you need to remember that in addition to your son or daughter, their teacher also has 22-29 more kids of the exact same age in their classroom. Their teacher knows each of their names, learning issues they may have that need special attention, food allergies, and often much more than that (home situations, foster care, etc). I for one get burned out with my TWO children... I can't imagine having THIRTY others with individual personalities, hormones, attitudes, etc. that I invest my time and heart into only to have their parents basically drag my reputation through the mud.

Please think before you speak.
Do your research.
Stop the hatred.

[Click to view images larger]

I firmly believe that people in our country have forgotten how to be decent human beings. Face to face conversations discussing topics without screaming, yelling, and belittling others are becoming a rarity. The vast majority of people claim to be “anti-bullying,” but bring up a subject and suddenly that goes out the window. The worst are the keyboard warriors (trust me, I realize the irony as this is posted on my blog) who sit behind computer screens and type hate-filled responses completely forgetting that there is a HUMAN BEING on the other side. A living, breathing, blood-pumping, loving person whom you are shredding with your words... Listen, I get it! No one likes being wrong. No one enjoys accepting defeat.

Teachers are people.
They take care of your kids while you work.
Don’t have kids? Who taught you?
Even if I didn't have children or a sibling/relative who was a teacher, I would still be on their side. I don't want the future leaders of our country to be uneducated or vastly behind on the world stage.
 
Please- Contact the governor, senators, representatives with viable options for funding the education system. I have and I will continue to. At the very least, stop tearing others down.
 

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Sometimes it’s hard looking in the mirror because this is what I see...

• Tired
• Unproductive member of society
• 30-something stay at home mom
• Bachelor's Degree that I've never used

I am the only person in my family who doesn’t work. I stand next to my husband who daily sacrifices so much for our country. My dad retired after 20yrs+ of serving others as a fire fighter. My mom was an entrepreneur way before that was the “cool” thing to do. Both grandfather’s are military veterans and work(ed) hard every day of their lives. Both grandmother’s fiercely devoted to family and helping others. My sister graduated college in 3yrs and finished her masters in under 2yrs all while teaching and coaching. Her husband is very devoted to his field of work because of the positive impact it makes on those who need it. My SIL works night shift and alternates child responsibilities with her police officer husband. My BIL travels all over the Midwest and east coast making a name for himself within his job field. My in-laws are extremely hard workers as well.

Then there’s me. I’m a stay at home mom. And while I do love that I get to see my babies grow, change, and develop new skills. I seriously just feel like I’m a hamster in a wheel most days- running and not going anywhere. I don’t have a set “learning” time or teaching plan for my oldest, and when I need 30min I’m not above turning the TV on for him. I haven’t made a meal plan in years and even when I did it was hard-pressed that I actually stuck to it. I don’t make everything from scratch. My laundry is a never ending process. My house is clean by many’s standards but I feel like it’s always dirty and it drives me nuts. 

Deep in my gut I know I am called to do more. Everyone says to do what you’re passionate about, but that’s always been my problem. I’m passionate about many things- family, friends, photography, remembering birthdays/anniversaries, documenting our life in a yearly photo book, trying new crafts, exploring new places. But really? How do any of those turn into a profession?

So there you have it...

I’m a 30-something mother of two, married to a US Marine, within a family of passionate workers, but utterly lost in my pursuit of purpose.

Tiny Toes.

I pray that these tiny toes will go many places during my daughter’s life. Whether that be exploring different countries, leading children across school grounds, walking through the halls of __________.

Obviously I have no idea what her future holds, but I can control the present. I can help guide her (and my son’s) feet by being the best mom I possibly can. 

I strive to teach my children love, respect, discipline, humility, cooperation, and to instill the fact that asking for help is okay, that we can voice our opinions (but to realize they won’t always be accepted and furthermore they won’t always be correct), and that relationships are far more important than things.

I don’t have it all together.

I yell too much. Timeouts happen.

But so do “I’m sorry & I love you.”

This is real life. And I’m just trekking on...

Goodbye 2015. Hello 2016.

I've always thought the new year should start in the spring rather than the middle of winter. You know a fresh start - green grass, flowers blooming, sunny skies... It might be 57* and pouring today, but it was 80* yesterday, say what?!

This scripture is always good to reflect on for the new year, Revelations 21:5, you can get the free printable by clicking here!

Anyway, I have a love hate relationship with the new year...

I love fresh starts, a blank slate, down-sizing, de-cluttering, an empty calendar, planning new adventures, and expecting good things to come.

I hate looking back and realizing all that I didn't accomplish or let slip by me. Right now I'm beating myself up over not getting hired by the real estate agency and not finding any other flexible part-time employment. I am annoyed that I am only into May on the 2015 yearly photo book (and if I'm being completely honest- I haven't made one since 2010s which is pathetic). I always planned to workout/meal plan and I'd do great for a few weeks then fall off the train.  I never take time for myself, I read 4 books all year when I used to knock out 20+. Not to mention for being a SAHM my son is now 14mo old and I have yet to write down anything in his baby book... Just hoping I can remember those milestones, ugh...

How does life always seem to slip by? This year we moved completely across the country, both of our sisters got married, we've hosted family and visited family, we've explored and adventured, we are still looking for a church to "call home," we don't have a solid group of friends yet and that is killing me (thankfully my Hawaii friends understand and are only a phone call/text away), and I haven't braved the base gym yet but I really want to try the stroller aerobics class.

So, for 2016 I've made these 4 goals:

1. Read at least 1 book each month.
   This should be totally do-able if I just spend 30min of me time before bed each night!
2. Try 3 new things.
   For example - a fitness class, volunteering, learn to crochet, etc.
3. Upload the monthly photos to the yearly book by the beginning of the following month.
   So January's photos should be uploaded by February 7th.
4. Jog 20 miles each month, roughly 5mi per week.
   I hate running, but I know it works and is good for me... *sigh*

I only gave myself 4 because I wanted to follow the S.M.A.R.T. guideline.

S - Specific

M - Measurable

A - Attainable

R - Realistic

T - Timely

Obviously I will continue to do my best to stay in the word, stick with meal-plans/other work-outs, be a present wife & mother, keep up with the household chores, create & maintain quality friendships, etc etc. 

Did you or will you be making goals for 2016? Please share in the comments! Also.. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

-Tay

PS: One of my friends, Alyssa, from Home Field Fitness is co-hosting an awesome "Get it Together: 2016" online course. It's FREE but the sign-up deadline is Jan 4th, so click the link now!

Fresh Face.

My friend Rachel, over at Cozy Chic Mommy, recently blogged about "Less is More." I commented on the Instagram photo linking the post - saying that on busy days I slap on some spf moisturizer, a little mascara, chapstick, and call it good.

I completely agree with her sentiments about contouring, fake lashes, and hair extensions... I don't see the point. I personally can't imagine waking up in the morning and taking that much time before I went out the door... I am in my late 20s. I am a mom. I still get acne. My face is not some "flawless" super model... I am just me and I am okay with that. I had a friend in high school who had never seen her step mom without make-up on?! She would wake up before anyone else in the house and cake the stuff on, I used to wonder if her husband even knew what she looked like under all of it... I never got the nerve to ask, which is probably good, I don't think a 15yr old asking their carpool driver a question like that would go over very well.

I don't have a younger brother like Rachel does, but I do have a son. A son I want to raise watching me put on make-up. I am a woman and it is nice to have a fresh face, but I am not about caking it on, or using "tricks" to completely change my look. I want him to respect a woman for who she is, what she believes in, and what she is working towards. NOT solely on her looks! I also want him to see me at night and in the mornings with no make-up on. To take him camping and to the beach where its completely unnecessary and silly to even think of bringing make-up. To let him know that women are beautiful because God created them in his image, just like he was created in God's image. The media, advertisers, and socialites want us to think that "flawless" is perfection. I want my son to think that each woman is unique, beautiful in her own way, and doesn't need to look like the photo-shopped women in magazines, posters, and billboards.

The picture below is my non-rushed day time make-up. This is a completely un-edited photo, snapped with my phone right before heading out to get groceries:

The only think I add for evening (aka: date night or special events) is a bit more under-eye concealer (eek) and some pretty eye shadow.

Here's what I used:

1. Moisturizer (earlier in the morning right after I washed my face)- Olay
2. Primer- BareMinerals
3. Foundation- BareMinerals
4. Blush- Ulta (similar item)
5. Eyeliner- Revlon (similar item)
6. Mascara- Gabriel
7. Lipstick- Ulta

This entire "look" takes me maybe 10min on a good day. Its natural looking, but covers any zits/redness, however I like the mineral powder because it still shows my freckles.

How long does it take you to have a "fresh face" in the mornings?
-Tay