Comparison is the Thief of Joy

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Sometimes it’s hard looking in the mirror because this is what I see...

• Tired
• Unproductive member of society
• 30-something stay at home mom
• Bachelor's Degree that I've never used

I am the only person in my family who doesn’t work. I stand next to my husband who daily sacrifices so much for our country. My dad retired after 20yrs+ of serving others as a fire fighter. My mom was an entrepreneur way before that was the “cool” thing to do. Both grandfather’s are military veterans and work(ed) hard every day of their lives. Both grandmother’s fiercely devoted to family and helping others. My sister graduated college in 3yrs and finished her masters in under 2yrs all while teaching and coaching. Her husband is very devoted to his field of work because of the positive impact it makes on those who need it. My SIL works night shift and alternates child responsibilities with her police officer husband. My BIL travels all over the Midwest and east coast making a name for himself within his job field. My in-laws are extremely hard workers as well.

Then there’s me. I’m a stay at home mom. And while I do love that I get to see my babies grow, change, and develop new skills. I seriously just feel like I’m a hamster in a wheel most days- running and not going anywhere. I don’t have a set “learning” time or teaching plan for my oldest, and when I need 30min I’m not above turning the TV on for him. I haven’t made a meal plan in years and even when I did it was hard-pressed that I actually stuck to it. I don’t make everything from scratch. My laundry is a never ending process. My house is clean by many’s standards but I feel like it’s always dirty and it drives me nuts. 

Deep in my gut I know I am called to do more. Everyone says to do what you’re passionate about, but that’s always been my problem. I’m passionate about many things- family, friends, photography, remembering birthdays/anniversaries, documenting our life in a yearly photo book, trying new crafts, exploring new places. But really? How do any of those turn into a profession?

So there you have it...

I’m a 30-something mother of two, married to a US Marine, within a family of passionate workers, but utterly lost in my pursuit of purpose.

Anxious Mommy Heart.

No one tells you how truly stressful parenting can be... 

You try to balance between discipline and teaching respect. You make sure he knows his ABCs, 123s, colors, shapes, etc. You read to him to encourage the love/habit. You have him unload the silverware from the dishwasher and help sort laundry to foster teamwork. You socialize with other parents who have kids his age to encourage friendship. You struggle with potty training, but push on. You make time for one-one-one outings to remind him he was your first baby. You love him unconditionally even on the days you want to pull your hair and hide in the closet.

And then he gets sick. His small pitiful 3yr old voice crying for “Mommy” breaks your heart. You want to cuddle with him and make it all better but the baby is screaming and now you’re terrified of her getting sick too. The nurse hotline gave great advice, but it didn’t quench my anxious mommy heart. This has been the scariest flu season I can remember in my 30yrs+ on earth... my husband had a co-worker die from it this week! That’s way too close to home. Way too close to my kids. Way too stressful for my anxiety-riddled mind to even comprehend right now... it’s 10:41pm and my alarm is going to go off in exactly 19min for me to check my son’s temperature for no less than the 10th time since this afternoon. If I wasn’t 3mo post partum and nursing the baby I would give anything for me to be the one sick and not him... but I cannot fathom being sick, nursing, and taking care of both of them as well. I know it’s possible. If it happens I will power through. But man. Parenting is hard. Body, soul, and mind.

Praying and clinging to these words tonight: 

“Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.”

Romans 12:12 GNT

“Not My President.”

I'm so tired of being angry. It seems like everyone and everything makes me angry these days. I try my best to brush things off and just go about my day... but then days like today occur. Everyone and their dog is posting utter nonsense, hatred, and vile. No one does research on anything, it's a simple click of the "share" button with some snarky remark added.

Some are mourning over losing a "beloved" first family while others are celebrating that "trash" is leaving the White House. Let me be honest in saying that Mr. Obama wasn't my ideal President and frankly Mr. Trump hasn't given me a lot to look forward too... but they both share one significant thing- the Title of "President of the United States." (Not to mention my husband's boss). I am an American Citizen, therefore both of these men were/is "my President" by default. I am tired of the endless whining, arguing, and utter BS. Sure your candidate lost. In 3 of the 4 elections I've voted in- mine has too. Do you see me complaining, making hateful remarks, or rioting (yes-rioting, destroying public property is not a protest)? Okay your candidate won- I've experienced that once and I completely believe rubbing it in others faces is not the way to go about it.

Don't even get me started on the race thing- remember that my husband isn't white nor is my son. Religion? Well sorry to break it to you but Christianity isn't all that popular anymore and it seems like everywhere I go the Ten Commandments or crosses are being removed. Role model? Of course I don't see the actions of this man as something I want my son to strive for! But just as I hoped and prayed that President Bush and President Obama would lead our country honestly, fairly, justly, and with the good of the American People in mind - I will do he same for President Trump.

I see no point in continuing to divide our nation, our people, our home over this. If you want to do something - volunteer, contact your senator/congressmen, run for your city council or in your local state elections. Be a productive member of society... it's okay to disagree, it's not okay to drive a knife into an already open wound.

You Can Do This.

"Thank you so much for the advice, it means a lot!" <--- those are the gracious words I received today for taking compassion on someone who's shoes I've been in before. 

Standing in line at the post office, the young woman behind me looked extremely frazzled. I went up to the window and paid for my package and the extra stamps for my "too thick envelopes." As I stepped to the side counter to tediously place my .10 and .01 stamps the young woman stepped up to the window and blurted out "my husband just deployed and I don't know how to mail him anything, what boxes can I use, do I have to pay international fees, he's on a boat, how can I.... etc." the poor postal worker simply asked for the zip code and tried to explain that the packages are sent to a facility in the US first and that would determine the box she chose. Confused she walked to the package area and stared at the wall of boxes... 

I cautiously approached and said "first deployment?" With watery eyes she turned to me and nodded her head. I quickly explained the APO/FPO zip codes and how the boxes go to military distribution facilities within the US before being sent to ships or overseas locations. I did a quick run-down on filling out the customs forms, how priority boxes could weigh a lot but the rate didn't change compared to other boxes that you pay by weight, that she didn't have to pay international shipping rates, etc. I wrangled the toddler, and before parting ways, my last words to her- "you can do this!" 

Be kind to someone today.
Be helpful. Be Courteous.
At the very least... smile.
You never know what they are facing...

Post Holiday Slump.

When you fall asleep at 8pm... before your 2yr old... you know that it was an amazing holiday weekend spent with dear friends who at this point are basically family, especially when said toddler calls them uncle and auntie.

Unfortunately, it's 1am and I am now wide awake while hubby and toddler are sleeping peacefully. After traveling and spending time with people I love I always seem to get into a "slump," and right now I can't shake the thought that I should be doing so much more with my life - I just wish I knew what that was.

I am a Christian, daughter, grand daughter, sister, wife, daughter-in-law,  "auntie," mother, friend, university graduate, yet I still feel that longing for "a place to belong." I have always wanted to work somewhere that allowed me to impact others lives positively, I just don't know how or in what capacity that is at the moment...

10,978 days.

A HUGE part of me wants to freak out, say this can't be true, where did my twenties go, how am I this old, what have I truly accomplished in my life, and on and on... But, as I look back - I have lived an amazing life. One that others may look at and wish they had. One life. My life.

I didn't grow up with the "best" of everything, but I did grow up with everything I needed (and more). We had a nice house, our own rooms, and plenty of food in the fridge. One set of grandparents lived 10min away and we stayed with them often when we were younger. I had clothes, shoes, and sports gear even if it was second hand it all served its purpose and saved my parents money that was used for our sports fees and annual family trips. It also taught me the value of the dollar, thrift stores, a good sale, and savings! I'm sure my mom will point out we didn't always see eye to eye, but what teenager does especially when all the "cool" kids are dressing in name brands, etc.

We didn't have a pool but who needs one when all the neighbor's do and your family has a boat (and a timeshare to Lake Havasu)! Growing up in the desert lead to outdoor hiking adventures and fun on quads/dirt bikes both of which my dad bought for my sister and I after much research and finding them used at a great price via the classified ads (you know, those things prior to Craigslist!)
I didn't get a brand spankin' new car for my 16th birthday like 75% of my high school class, but I did learn to drive manual, change my oil, fix a flat, check my fluids, and watch my tire pressure... All things hardly anyone then much less now knows how to do! Thanks mom and dad. Not to mention my 4x4 1988 Pathfinder was a pretty awesome little beast.

I don't remember much about school other than I never felt like I fit in very well from Kindergarten all the way until my sophomore year of college... But I do remember my parents supporting, pushing, and tutoring me in everything I went for... From the 5th grade ELP exams, to dual credit high school courses, and SAT studies. Through all the homework tears they never gave up on me and I was the first one in our family to receive a full-ride tuition scholarship followed by a bachelor's degree (my awesome sister got the masters!).

Sports came and went ...didn't like gymnastics, didn't like figure skating, but I wasn't allowed to give up without completing the session, teaching me to follow through with things. I fell into soccer and my parents spent years driving us all over the southwest for weekend tournaments. The same for roller hockey, but they took it a step further being our coaches for a number of seasons and sticking up for us as the only girls playing.

Before I could even walk I went to Hawaii, who knew I would move there 24yrs later? I have lived in Arizona, California, Maryland, Hawaii, and Virginia. I have visited: Colorado, Florida, Kentucky, Missouri, Nevada, New Mexico, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, and Washington (I didn't include drive-thru or lay-over states: Illinois, Indiana, Oklahoma, West Virginia).

I've also traveled to Mexico (Puerto Penasco, Cabo San Lucas, San Luis, Costa Maya, Cozumel), Canada (Victoria, BC), Belize (Belize City), and studied abroad in New Zealand (Auckland, Rotorua, Tauranga) and Australia (Sydney, Canberra, Cairns, Brisbane). We also went to "the happiest place on earth" often when we were younger because my other grandparents lived just a few miles away in Garden Grove, CA (spoiled!).

I met my husband at 20yrs old and we got married when I was 23. Since then we've lived in 3 states and 4 homes, had 3 guinea pigs, 4 cars total (2 currently still), I've had 3 jobs, attended 3 churches, and most importantly we welcomed our son into he world! It seems surreal that this coming month we will celebrate 7yrs of marriage.

My life hasn't been "a complete fairytale"... I've dealt with minor things like hurt feelings, loneliness,  and heartbreak ...to major things like my dad's cancer diagnosis/treatments, anxiety/panic attacks, losing a set of grandparents, being ostracized by extended family, and having what I thought were good friends fall to the wayside or leave me behind completely. We continually move to places where I know no one and despite my degree I don't have a career or even a job to speak of at the moment. I've lost childhood friends to war and PTSD, seen friends lose their parents/siblings, some go through terrible separations/divorce, witnessed others battle over custody of children, and one of the worst things ever - seeing dear friends watch their babies fight to live only to have some pass away.

All that being said there has been plenty of good! Weddings, babies being born, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, fun trips, spontaneous adventures, surprises, girls nights, gaining lifelong friends, deepening my relationship with Christ, and so many tiny everyday "happy moments" I've lost track of!

God blessed me with entering this world in 1986 and 30yrs later I am still here. A little more confident, wiser, yet rough around the edges. A good friend posted this: "Do not regret growing older, it is a privilege denied to many."

Here's to no regrets - only learning from mistakes, loving those I hold dear, and continually living life to the fullest!

I’m Done.

I'm done with y'all. D-O-N-E. Black, brown, white. 
I love you - all of you. 
Please stop fighting. 
Stop killing. 
Stop rioting. 
Just stop. 

Injustice and racism is, sadly, real and prevalent. I am not trying to say otherwise. What I am saying is the more we fight, argue, spit venomous words, beat each other up, burn down our cities, and in extreme cases kill all we are doing is making the line drawn in the sand become a trench, deeper and deeper it goes.

Once we hit the bottom, then what? The winner is the one who claws their way to the top? Dog eat dog? There's no true victory in that situation. 

Let's talk - peacefully - about the issues. Protest all you want without rioting. They are two different things... the definition of protesting is to "express an objection to what someone has said or done" while a riot is "a violent disturbance of the peace by a crowd."

Is there an easy answer? An easy fix? No, there is not. But anything worth fixing takes time and effort. The first thing we need to start doing - love one another. Then listen to each other. Finally work towards a solution. TOGETHER.

15yrs Later.

15 years ago I was eating breakfast with my mom when the towers were struck, I still went to school that day, but all we really did each period was watch the news in utter disbelief. 

15 years ago I was a freshman in  high school, the vast majority of this year's freshman class will learn about the events of September 11th as actual HISTORY. As in, they weren't born yet when this historic day took place. 

15 years of an empty place at the dinner table and a hole in the hearts of people who lost a loved one that day. 

15 years and the war is still going on.

15 years worth of deployments and some brave men and women only returning to their families in caskets draped by a flag. The American Flag. 

15 years ago our country stood united... 

15 years later - I feel as though we are more divided than ever. 

For today, can we please stand as "One Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." That is my prayer.

"Oil Slick Hair" - Manic Panic Hair Dye Review

If you are on any form of social media these days I'm sure you've seen "oil slick" or "mermaid" hair... if not, open a new tab and do a quick google search. Alright, now that we're on the same page, awhile back I decided I wanted to do a hidden oil slick because I wasn't brave enough to do my entire head! My sister had recently dyed her entire head in an ombre purple but she had to strip and bleach her hair first. I wasn't cool with that and I didn't want to use a permanent dye either, I like the kind that gradually washes out over time... so the research began, I ended up deciding on Manic Panic Dyes.

These dyes are vegan friendly (which I didn't even know was a concern with hair dyes, but there you go!) and semi-permanent. We had a trip planned to visit my family so I asked my sister if she could pick-up these colors from Sally's Beauty and some supplies in preparation for my arrival.

One Sunday afternoon we set-up shop in my parents back yard and she went at it... She separated my hair into sections then applied the colors randomly (completely in no particular order like the rainbow you see in an actual oil slick), then she rolled it in foil, and moved onto the next section.

The end result was so vibrate and amazing looking!

I wanted to see how long the colors lasted, so my plan was to take a weekly update photo. I missed a couple weeks but you can see that the vibrancy started to fade after a bit. My hair really held onto the red (which actually doesn't surprise me since I naturally have strawberry blonde hair in the summer time). I'm currently 8 weeks post-dye and I still have some red streaks throughout.

1 Week -- 2 Weeks -- 3.5 Weeks -- 6 Weeks

So for my hair, with no bleaching or stripping:

• Purple Haze - washed out within the first week
• VoodDoo Blue - actually looked teal in my hair (which I liked!) but was basically gone by 3.5wks
• Infra Red - Still going... I like it!

We had half a jar left of each color so I wanted a simple travel solution, luckily I found out my son's Parent's Choice Puffs container fit them perfectly! I just taped the lid shut and threw it in my suitcase.

The only down side to these dyes that I found was the transfer when my hair was wet. I purposely put an old pillow case on my nightly pillow. I had red and purple streaks on it. I will confess that I am guilty of putting my hair in a top knot while wet from the shower and just going to bed. I also used an old beach towel for my hair when getting out of the shower, it also showed red and purple streaks... I think my hair may have held the colors longer because I only wash it between 4-5 days and use dry shampoo in between, but I can't vouch for that.

Anyway, if you're looking for a fun twist on hair, I do recommend Manic Panic Dyes! Maybe just dry your hair before going to bed unlike me ;)

Have you ever done anything crazy with hair color?
Let me know in the comments!
-Tay

*I was NOT compensated by Manic Panic - I just wanted to share my personal experience and pass it on to ya'll!

Ohana.

For those of you who have never left home (I'm talking more than those 4yrs of college or moving a town away) I don't really know how to explain this accurately but I will do my best.

Moving somewhere completely new changes you in ways you can never understand. Moving to an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean thousands of miles away from anyone you know adds a whole new element. My time in Maryland was short all of 16mo, we did find a church and a group of friends to "do life" with, most of which we keep in touch with today. But Hawaii is where our life really became "our own."

Within 3 months of moving there I started having debilitating panic attacks - to the point of throwing up, jolting awake, and having to go to the ER twice within 2wks. We were desperate for answers, desperate for a place to call home (been in an hotel room for 60 days and ended up in a temporary apartment for 3mo before renting our home on base), and desperate for a place to fit in.

We tried a few churches, but once we walked into Hope Chapel Kaneohe Bay (now Anchor Church) we knew we were "home." I started attending a women's study and we planned to join a married group once my husband returned from his upcoming deployment. The women in my small group got me through my anxiety issues, supported me during the deployment, and some became very close friends that I talk to daily/weekly even now!

Once my husband returned we jumped into a young married's group and the rest is history... Weekend get togethers, impromptu dinner nights, beach & boat trips, hikes, holiday parties & potlucks, rallying around those who moved/were sick/had kids/etc. These people were our Ohana, we knew if we needed something all we had to do was call. Even if our car broke down on the other side of the island, someone would show up! Thousands of miles away from home and we still had that safety net. There's just something about that island. That life. That time. I will never forget those moments or people.

I need to find that here. 

Goodbye 2015. Hello 2016.

I've always thought the new year should start in the spring rather than the middle of winter. You know a fresh start - green grass, flowers blooming, sunny skies... It might be 57* and pouring today, but it was 80* yesterday, say what?!

This scripture is always good to reflect on for the new year, Revelations 21:5, you can get the free printable by clicking here!

Anyway, I have a love hate relationship with the new year...

I love fresh starts, a blank slate, down-sizing, de-cluttering, an empty calendar, planning new adventures, and expecting good things to come.

I hate looking back and realizing all that I didn't accomplish or let slip by me. Right now I'm beating myself up over not getting hired by the real estate agency and not finding any other flexible part-time employment. I am annoyed that I am only into May on the 2015 yearly photo book (and if I'm being completely honest- I haven't made one since 2010s which is pathetic). I always planned to workout/meal plan and I'd do great for a few weeks then fall off the train.  I never take time for myself, I read 4 books all year when I used to knock out 20+. Not to mention for being a SAHM my son is now 14mo old and I have yet to write down anything in his baby book... Just hoping I can remember those milestones, ugh...

How does life always seem to slip by? This year we moved completely across the country, both of our sisters got married, we've hosted family and visited family, we've explored and adventured, we are still looking for a church to "call home," we don't have a solid group of friends yet and that is killing me (thankfully my Hawaii friends understand and are only a phone call/text away), and I haven't braved the base gym yet but I really want to try the stroller aerobics class.

So, for 2016 I've made these 4 goals:

1. Read at least 1 book each month.
   This should be totally do-able if I just spend 30min of me time before bed each night!
2. Try 3 new things.
   For example - a fitness class, volunteering, learn to crochet, etc.
3. Upload the monthly photos to the yearly book by the beginning of the following month.
   So January's photos should be uploaded by February 7th.
4. Jog 20 miles each month, roughly 5mi per week.
   I hate running, but I know it works and is good for me... *sigh*

I only gave myself 4 because I wanted to follow the S.M.A.R.T. guideline.

S - Specific

M - Measurable

A - Attainable

R - Realistic

T - Timely

Obviously I will continue to do my best to stay in the word, stick with meal-plans/other work-outs, be a present wife & mother, keep up with the household chores, create & maintain quality friendships, etc etc. 

Did you or will you be making goals for 2016? Please share in the comments! Also.. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

-Tay

PS: One of my friends, Alyssa, from Home Field Fitness is co-hosting an awesome "Get it Together: 2016" online course. It's FREE but the sign-up deadline is Jan 4th, so click the link now!

Fresh Face.

My friend Rachel, over at Cozy Chic Mommy, recently blogged about "Less is More." I commented on the Instagram photo linking the post - saying that on busy days I slap on some spf moisturizer, a little mascara, chapstick, and call it good.

I completely agree with her sentiments about contouring, fake lashes, and hair extensions... I don't see the point. I personally can't imagine waking up in the morning and taking that much time before I went out the door... I am in my late 20s. I am a mom. I still get acne. My face is not some "flawless" super model... I am just me and I am okay with that. I had a friend in high school who had never seen her step mom without make-up on?! She would wake up before anyone else in the house and cake the stuff on, I used to wonder if her husband even knew what she looked like under all of it... I never got the nerve to ask, which is probably good, I don't think a 15yr old asking their carpool driver a question like that would go over very well.

I don't have a younger brother like Rachel does, but I do have a son. A son I want to raise watching me put on make-up. I am a woman and it is nice to have a fresh face, but I am not about caking it on, or using "tricks" to completely change my look. I want him to respect a woman for who she is, what she believes in, and what she is working towards. NOT solely on her looks! I also want him to see me at night and in the mornings with no make-up on. To take him camping and to the beach where its completely unnecessary and silly to even think of bringing make-up. To let him know that women are beautiful because God created them in his image, just like he was created in God's image. The media, advertisers, and socialites want us to think that "flawless" is perfection. I want my son to think that each woman is unique, beautiful in her own way, and doesn't need to look like the photo-shopped women in magazines, posters, and billboards.

The picture below is my non-rushed day time make-up. This is a completely un-edited photo, snapped with my phone right before heading out to get groceries:

The only think I add for evening (aka: date night or special events) is a bit more under-eye concealer (eek) and some pretty eye shadow.

Here's what I used:

1. Moisturizer (earlier in the morning right after I washed my face)- Olay
2. Primer- BareMinerals
3. Foundation- BareMinerals
4. Blush- Ulta (similar item)
5. Eyeliner- Revlon (similar item)
6. Mascara- Gabriel
7. Lipstick- Ulta

This entire "look" takes me maybe 10min on a good day. Its natural looking, but covers any zits/redness, however I like the mineral powder because it still shows my freckles.

How long does it take you to have a "fresh face" in the mornings?
-Tay

How did I get here? Where am I going?

My 10yr high school reunion is coming up, along with my baby sister's wedding, and my son's first birthday... Recently when I lie (lay?) awake at night mind racing, my thoughts keep coming back too...

• How did I end up here?
• How do I have a bachelor's degree that I've never used?
• How have I been out of high school for 10yrs and college for 6yrs?
• How has the longest job I've held only been 4yrs and part-time at that?
• How will I be 29 in nearly a month?
• How did I manage to be primarily a WAHW and now a WAHM?
• How do other military spouses transfer successful careers?
• How do moms choose career or kids? Or both? How do they juggle the time?

Then I hear the rustling of my son on the baby monitor, slowly turning into whimpers, and then cries. Cries for me.

I carried him inside me for 38wks. I went through some crazy ups & downs during the pregnancy. He decided to come 2wks early. My labor was at 25hrs when they discovered my body physically couldn't open for him to exit and 26hrs by the time they wheeled me into the OR. For the first 2mo of his life he nursed every 45min to 2hrs, 24hrs a day. I have watched him triple his birth weight, reach milestones, explore the world around him, continually growing right in front of my eyes.

So as I walk into his room and see him standing along the railing with little tears rolling down his cheeks, arms up waiting for me... I know this, for now, is exactly where I am suppose to be. We nurse & rock in the glider until he starts rubbing his sleepy eyes, then I transfer him back into his crib where, on a good night, he slips back into dreamland and I tip-toe out of his room avoiding the creaky floorboard by his door. I take one last glance of his sweet little face illuminated by the nightlight and quietly close the door, head back to my bed and slip under the sheets.

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.”

‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

After being unemployed for the first 10mo of our marriage I took a crazy job with weird hours working for a school and sports portrait company that had me travel all over the state of Maryland. It worked because my husband had crazy hours as well. Once we moved to Hawaii I started my current job about 6mo after we arrived. I loved the part time flexibility because it allowed me ample time to explore the island and volunteer for things I was passionate about. Since I no longer reside in Hawaii I am wrapping up loose ends and training my replacement via online and phone sessions. I am about to become unemployed once again. But now... I am a mommy. I have a little one to invest in. I think I'll be okay. I just have to remember that we can be smart with our finances and God has something big in store for me even if I'm feeling like my dreams are a little small at the moment.

This face helps, even on the days I feel like I'm losing my mind!

What do you do when you start to question your life?

-Tay

10mo Post-Pregnancy.

My muscles are coming back! 
This is a big deal.

So many people have looked at me after giving birth and said things along the lines of -
"Did you really just have a kid?"
"Look how thin you are!"
"You are so lucky."
"You need to gain some weight..."
"Are you dieting? You should probably eat more." 
"You're looking kind of ill."
"Well, at least you aren't fat."
 

Here's the truth in numbers, not that it's any of your business but I'm all for honesty...  I gained 23 pounds during my pregnancy, currently I am 8 pounds under my pre-pregnacy weight.

I had a very long and drawn out labor, maybe I'll share it sometime, that ultimately resulted in a c-section and basically being on bed rest for 8wks. During my labor I separated my ab muscles (diastasis recti) and couldn't do any traditional abdominal workouts (think sit-ups/planks) or strenuous ab activity otherwise I risked increasing the separation rather than healing it. About 10wks after delivery I did my first post-natal workout DVD. I slowly started adding walks that turned into jogs pushing the baby. I did yoga positions that stretched and strengthened without putting too much pressure on my abs. But it wasn't until little man hit 7mo that my abs were finally back where they needed to be for me to push myself. I am currently doing Les Mills Combat and loving it, I feel stronger and more energized. My body is getting its muscle tone back and while I still haven't gained much weight I know it'll come. I think I will have to worry about it when he stops nursing, my mom & husband joke that he "literally sucks the fat out of me" since he's such a chunk! My shirts fit normally as do my dresses. My shorts, pants, and skirts are a whole different story. But not the "normal" issue- they are all too big! My butt is gone, I (insert pride) had a pretty nice butt from working out and now it's just flat and non-existent. I honestly don't know where it went or when it truly left (it was huge during pregnancy!). I'm guessing sometime in those 8wks of being fairly sedentary. So I need to get it back so my stupid clothes stop falling off me...

I write all of this to say:
1) Whether you are thin, average, or "bigger" post-pregnancy someone will always have something to say about it - brush it off!
2) As hard as it will be, you have to give your body time to heal... 40(ish) weeks in, 40(ish) weeks out. I'm JUST now feeling like I'm back in my routine.
3) There's no magical solution or pill - it takes work.
4) Your clothes will fit again, or if you desire, your new clothes will fit even better!


What is the weirdest thing someone said to you after having kids?
-Tay

Dating Friends.

Making new friends is like dating without having to worry about physical intimacy...

• You still have that awkward first encounter.
• You have to be brave enough to say "hello."
• Once names have been established you need to decide what your first outing (aka "date") will be. Coffee, dinner, game night?
• You get butterflies before said event. 
• Your mind goes through the mental checklist- am I wearing an appropriate outfit for the situation, is my side dish/dessert/etc going to be good, will we have anything to talk about?
• After said event mentally you go through all the "stupid" stuff you said or did wishing you could change it/take it back.
• If you liked the person/people you anxiously wait for a text/call.
• When the text/call comes to invite you to another event you physically feel relieved. If it doesn't... Well that's what dark chocolate & Netflix are for, right? And if you didn't like them you've got to figure out a way to "break-up."

 

Add in husbands & children and it's like a group date mixing junior high and college- men congregating, girl talk, screaming, things being flung across the room, beer & wine (+more after your child spills chicken all over your potential friend's carpet).

And people think you stop having first dates once you get married. Hah!

World Breastfeeding Week.

Well, it's world breastfeeding week... I have EBF my son since day one, I pumped for back-up supply & so daddy could be part of the feedings once or twice a day, and we didn't even introduce solids until he was already past 6mo old.

First latch, swollen and puffy in the recovery room after my c-section.

Breastfeeding isn't "easy," it is physically and emotionally demanding even for someone who hasn't had any latch, supply, or duct issues. The first month Lanolin was my best friend and I had one tiny milk blister that a hot compress and my pump got out. Other than that... Smooth sailing for little guy and I.

Like I said though... It's physically & emotionally demanding! Why? Your baby relies on you 24/7 for everything. I honestly don't remember much from the first 2wks other than we camped on the couch during the day and I walked across the hall to his room to log miles in the glider all night long. Feedings were every 1-2hrs, but cluster feeds - oh man - those could be every 30-45min at night! Some days I couldn't remember if I had showered. Luckily I was hungry all the time so not eating or staying hydrated wasn't an issue for me.

Going places. Hmmm... All I have to say is make sure the back seat of your car is comfortable while breastfeeding! Lots of times even if I fed right before we left the house, I would have to feed him again when we arrived at our destination. In the beginning my husband wanted to bring bottles if we went out, eventually he realized it truly was easier just to give straight from the source. I think it just took him some time getting used to being comfortable with me feeding in public.

I have only pumped twice since he turned 6mo old, I really should build a stock back up, but I truly hate that thing. My insurance didn't cover a pump (it does now, so next baby I'm totally getting a nice hospital one!) so we got one of the Medela's which is nice and works but honestly the baby is so much more efficient and I hate sitting there "milking" myself! HUGE PROPS to all you career mommies that pump all day at work! That takes dedication for sure!

I NEVER wanted to breastfeed, I always said "my sister and I were formula fed and we both turned out just fine," seriously ask anyone who knows me well. Once I got pregnant and started taking classes I weighed pros/cons, and decided I would try it out in the hospital to see how it went... I ended up sticking with it but I have plenty of friends who's milk supply wasn't enough and had to supplement, those whose supply never came in, and those who straight up said "nope, formula it is!" All of which are perfectly fine in my book. If your baby is healthy, you're doing it right.

Yesterday, 9.5mo old (his arm is about to smack me in the face!)

A lot of people choose to breast feed because it's free. And while this is true in the monetary sense there are still "costs." It takes a lot of time, a lot of will, and being okay with giving of yourself completely. I mean my entire wardrobe has changed, while I still go for cute/comfortable most of the time I don't buy it if I can't figure out a way to breastfeed in it. That's kind of limiting. And time is a huge one, early on some days I felt like all I'd done was sit on my butt while my baby ate/slept then wanted to do it again... and again... (I feel the same now with growth spurts and teething days/nights).

Now it's more of a bonding time... Despite occasionally getting slapped, scratched, or kicked (he's a big guy now at 21lbs) I like knowing he needs me and that my body is still giving him nutrients that he needs!

Do you breastfeed? If so, any crazy stories? 

-Tay

The Friendship Waiting Game.

Sometimes I really dislike being "the new kid on the block." No, I didn't go back to school, but I did just move 4,900mi over the Pacific and entire U.S. Continent. In 6yrs this is my 5th state... 2009 was the craziest - living in California for 5mo, Arizona for 5mo, and ending up in Maryland for the last 2. We moved from Maryland to Hawaii in spring of 2011, and just arrived here in Virginia about 7wks ago.

My house still needs some things put up on the walls, but the majority of "moving in" is done. I will forever tweak things, make small changes, re-arrange, and by the time it's "just right" it will be time to move again. But that's a whole different story...

Today I want to write about loneliness. We have been in this house for a little over 1mo. I have met a couple of the neighbors but they are all older than us and I don't really see them being "buddies" with a younger couple and their 9mo old baby. My husband works odd hours (ranging from 8-14hr days) Mon-Fri with the occasional weekend shift. I do work from home (surprise!) but it's all online marketing items done mainly by e-mail and/or social media, if the phone is involved it generally isn't a good thing. 

Which means... My main source of conversation is my son. Who only knows how to say "mama" "dada" "baba" and a bunch of gibberish that I can't translate. Of course I can call my family anytime, they love hearing from me and face-timing with their grandson/nephew, but that's not the same. They aren't here. They can't go see a movie with me, grab lunch, attend a workout class, etc. 

I am married to a wonderful man and we eat dinner together and usually take the baby on an evening walk while we talk. But he needs time to decompress after work even though some days all I want to do is plop the baby in his lap and drive to the grocery store or Target with no shopping list, just to aimlessly wander.

My son amazes me everyday with his new discoveries and likes. Earlier this afternoon he pulled all the books out of his toy bin and was "reading" them instead of playing with all the shiny-loud-plastic things. It was adorable.

As I mentioned before, my family is truly only a phone call away, I love it. 

BUT I crave face-to-face time, I want to know that someone I trust will take care of my son while my husband and I go on a much needed date (what are those?), I want a friend or two (really I'm not asking for a lot) that knows my likes-dislikes-fears-beliefs-etc and wants to be around me, and I them. 

I miss our "Hawaii Ohana" every day. We have a few friends we really clicked with in our short time from Maryland - but Hawaii brought us an extremely tight-knit group. To the point that if you were broken down on the other side of the island it would only take one text or call to have someone there to help! When a husband was deployed, the other husbands did car, yard, and maintenance work for the wife left behind. If you had a rough day, you could walk down the road and sit on your friend's couch while she chose a chick-flick, threw a bag of popcorn in the microwave, and poured you a glass of wine. We didn't knock if they knew we were coming, we walked in as if we belonged. We knew our way around each others kitchens and rotated dinner nights. We went on outings and vacations together. We celebrated holidays and big life events together. We had children together. We did life together. We weren't family by blood, but by choice.

I want that here. I need it. I am sick of being lonely. 

Here it's a bit different... We don't live on base. We don't have a family readiness group. The unit is so small and specialized some people don't even know they exist. 

So military items aside - Our neighborhood doesn't have a community center. I was amazed at how expensive the YMCA memberships are. MyGym/Gymboree for kids is WAY more expensive than a gym membership would be for myself. And we have tried so many churches but none of them have "felt like home." Some people don't understand that, but it's how we know it's the right place for us. Especially since those tight-knit people I was talking about from Hawaii... 75% of them we met through our church.

I am still getting used to my surroundings and the roads. But I am hoping to try out a free mommy & me class at the gym. Maybe do a story time event at a library (although my guy is still kind of little to understand). I'm trying to find a local MOPS group to join. I would love to take a class at Michael's or even the community college just for fun, but it would have to be evening/weekend and my husband isn't always guaranteed to be home. And before you say "hire a sitter" we refuse to let anyone watch our baby that we don't know personally, too many crazies out there. That's just the way it is for us.

I know friends will happen. They did in California, Maryland, and Hawaii... It's just a waiting game and I'm getting impatient.

Have you moved recently? Do you move often? What are your tips for making good quality friendships in a new completely unfamiliar place?
-Tay

Busy bee.

I managed to get the baby to play on his own so I jumped on the computer behind him and started clearing out all those unwanted e-mails and unsubscribing from lists that I probably only joined in order to enter a contest.

I love that my desk directly overlooks the deck in our back yard, as I looked out earlier I noticed this little bug crawling around inside the screen (guess I better check for holes). I couldn't really tell if it was a beetle or spider, then all of a sudden it started flying around. So I leaned in really close to the window to examine, and what do you know - it was a baby bee!

The poor thing has been struggling to get out the entire time I've been sitting here. It made me wonder, how often do we get ourselves into situations without having a "way out" (aka: a back-up plan)? How often do we say "yes" because it seems like the right thing to do even though we really don't have the time or resources to fully invest? How often do we put everyone and everything in front of ourselves?

When I was going through a really bad bout of anxiety my husband bought me this book, 100 Great Ideas to Relax and Reduce Stress. I like all the ideas the book has to offer but I found two great lists inside that I've made into printable cards for you to help implement time management and balance into your life.

Click on the cards to view full-size then right-click and choose"save as" or "print."

Ladies... I'm not advocating being lazy, skirting out of responsibilities, or leaving your husband and kids to fend for themselves (although I know plenty of guys that are great cooks!), what I am saying is make sure you give yourself time to do something you love, something that relaxes you, something that calms you and allows you to refresh... don't overload your schedules just because!

How do you relax, unwind, refresh?
-Tay

WhiteFive Designs - Guest Post.

Candi was one of my campus pastors during my time in Arizona State's XA (Chi Alpha). When she's not busy helping lead the next generation or wrangling her three adorable kiddos, she makes amazing signs and re-purposes vintage items with the help of her husband Shawn.

Last month she contacted me wondering if I would be interested in writing a guest post for her awesome "Live Brave" series on her blog...

Check it out here:

WhiteFiveDesigns.com

Home Is Where The Heart Is

We've all heard it, seen it posted somewhere, heck many of us may have a pretty version of it hanging on our wall! As much as I like this saying, sometimes being a military wife we need another saying to preface it.

So... let's take a mini-trip down memory lane (mine that is, unless you just so happened to be in San Francisco sometime in April of 2009). I worked for the MWR from January-May of 2009, my final senior internship for my Recreation degree from Arizona State University-I miss that job! Anyway back to our trip, my sister flew in towards the end of my internship and we spent a quick weekend being tourists in San Francisco and the surrounding areas. It was so much fun, we took hundreds of photos, rode the cable cars, walked down Lombard St., explored China Town, enjoyed Pier 39 and Ghirardelli Square, and even went salsa dancing after making a quick purchase of some dress flats from Payless (no tennis shoes allowed in the club).

Now I'm sure all of you are staring at your computer screen wondering how on earth this is suppose to relate to "home is where the heart is." Don't worry I'm getting there!

We made very little purchases while we were there, lack of money was one reason the other is that we've never been very materialistic, and photos are our best souvenirs from trips. However, while we were in China Town there was a set of hand painted prints I just couldn't pass up.

 Honor. Courage. Dream.Where ever you may go, go with all your heart.

These all mean a lot to my husband and I, we have them hanging in our bedroom in a place we can see them every morning when we wake up. The first three are very important... but did you catch that last one? I mean did you really capture it's significance?

Where ever you may go, go with all your heart.

Military ladies... we move (a lot), I've done it, you've done it, we'll keep doing it. It's the military way of life. But we have to remember to truly invest ourselves in our new locations- make friends, find a church and volunteer, actually learn your neighbors names, try to have an open fridge house... this something my mom taught me. You visit my house once and I will serve you a drink, snacks, maybe even dinner. The second time you come, "you're home," please help yourself. I feel as though after a move we sometimes become "shut-ins." Not in the sense that we sit in our house all day, but rather that we shut others out for fear of being hurt (again). I know the sadness of saying goodbye to family, friends, loved ones. But, we can't let this fear mold our lives... we need to live our lives to the fullest! Be yourself,
accept invitations, you never know who will be placed in your life for that short season, or who you will have a positive affect on.

"There is a time for
everything,
for every activity under heaven."
~Ecclesiastes 3:1

So don't forget that where ever you may go in your journey of life, to go with all your heart!"