Military Marriage

I get asked the weirdest things sometimes regarding my marriage... a recent one was “knowing what you do now about the military lifestyle would you still have have chosen to marry your husband?”

After my initial blank stare and thinking “wait, for real?” in my head... yes, unequivocally yes. First, I fell in love with him, not his job. Second, I met him after he had already joined the military, this was already his chosen career path so that was present right from the start. I know what you’re thinking though- “what about the separations, the deployments, the trainings, the constant moves, the lack of a career for you, everything you’ve given up?” Well let me address those...

Being separated from the one you love regardless of a TDY, training exercise, or deployment teaches you a lot about yourself. You figure out what you can handle on your own, you set a schedule that works for you, you dig into the community and find a tribe like no other, you get it done. It also makes you appreciate your time with your spouse that much more. Do we argue, get on each other’s nerves, push each others buttons, go through periods of not liking one another. Yes, yes, yes a hundred times yes. But love. Always. Even amongst the fights and tears.

As far as my lack of career and sacrifices that I’ve made, well yes, it’s interesting and frustrating all at the same time. I gave up a job opportunity with Norwegian Cruise Lines to marry my husband and move 2,300mi away from everything and everyone I knew. I have a degree in Recreation and Tourism Management,  that has never been used for the intended purpose. I easily could have, especially during our time in Hawaii, however nights and weekends are the main work hours in this field (besides school programs which I hope to get into someday) and if I chose that then I would never see my husband (and now children), which wasn’t worth it to me. Plus, throw in the cost of childcare and not seeing my babies hit milestones, you get where I’m going with this. That is not to say I haven’t worked! In Maryland I worked for a school and sports portrait company. In Hawaii I ran my own photography business and was hired by a team of realtors to handle their social media and marketing- which I actually still do today remotely from Virginia! 

As far as moving every 2-4yrs. Yes it’s hard. I can’t sugar coat that. However, I never would have been able to afford a place in Hawaii with the ocean less than an 1/8th of a mile from my front door. I never would have chosen to live in Maryland or Virgina but both places have offered amazing road trip experiences and friendships. Speaking of friendships... I’m not one of those people with a best friend who I grew up with, my closest, most understanding, and real friendships have come from meeting and diving into relationships with people in each place I’ve lived.

This life, as I assume with any lifestyle/marriage, is a give and take. Do I feel like I give more somedays? Definitely. However my husband’s mind and body is pushed to the limit daily and he loves his job so there’s nothing I would want to say to take that away from him. People seem to think marriage is 50/50... but that’s just inadequate. You can’t devote half yourself to something so important. Marriage is 100/100... you devote everything you have so when your spouse drops to 50% your love carries them through, and vice versus. It’s not a game to see who does more. There isn’t a winner or loser within a team. 

Gold Star Wives & Families.

I STILL don't like posting political things... mainly because I don't enjoy feeding the endless nonsensical arguments that pop-up in the comments. But, just incase you weren't aware- yesterday was Gold Star Mother's & Family's Day. If you don't know what that means, in order to "earn" that title... your son or daughter must die in service to the country. Those families and service members come from ALL races, religions, backgrounds, etc. Yet, each and everyone is welcomed home and to their final resting place with a U.S. flag draped over their casket which is then folded and handed to their loved ones. The TV remained off in our home, I couldn't handle the nonsense being discussed. I scrolled past Facebook/Instagram posts as fast as I possibly could. The hardest part was knowing my husband had just been at a Memorial Service for a fallen Marine brother that morning.

Protest racism. Protest inequality. You CAN protest. That is your right. But, I honestly don't understand protesting the National Anthem of the country that has allowed you to make millions of dollars playing a game you love and given you a huge platform to actually be a positive role model to those who you hope to protect and those you hope to influence, etc. Remember it's the same National Anthem that all service members regardless of race, religion, etc. stand at attention for daily. President Trump (and "bad cops/police brutality" - because I am not delusional in how this whole thing started last year) is not the American Flag, nor is he the National Anthem, and most of all... he is NOT us. He, like every President before him, doesn't encompass the whole of the American people- the beautiful, unique, mixed, mess that we are. But the more and more we divide ourselves, the more people do become like him- the very thing (person) they seem to hate so passionately.

To those Gold Star Mother's and Families that I know personally. 
You were not forgotten yesterday. 
My love and prayers are with you.

Not “Happy” Memorial Day.

I'll be the first to admit when I was younger I said "Happy Memorial Day." But, as I have grown older, learned more about the history of the day, lost a family friend to war, a high school classmate to PTSD, and witnessed many others lose friends/battle buddies I no longer view it as okay. 

One of the first color guard ceremonies my husband was asked to participate in after our move to Hawaii, was at the Hawaiian Memorial Park Cemetery on Memorial Day. On the wall of the Veterans Building the words read: "Tell them we gave our todays for their tomorrows." Among other things, that ceremony and those words helped forever changed my view. 

I've read multiple interviews with Gold Star Wives (military widows) over the past week. All question why people are so "happy" on this day, for them is it simply the start of summer or the 20-30% off items at the stores -- why do we even have sales, Sept 11th doesn't (rightfully so)? Has the American population forgotten what this day is truly about? >> Honoring those who died in service to our country. 

I hope you realize that I am NOT saying you shouldn't enjoy the BBQ, beach, hiking, lake, time with family/friends, maybe even a little shopping, etc. I am saying please also take time to pause, reflect, remember, honor, thank, and if you have children - explain.

Info:

http://www.usmemorialday.org/?page_id=2

You Can Do This.

"Thank you so much for the advice, it means a lot!" <--- those are the gracious words I received today for taking compassion on someone who's shoes I've been in before. 

Standing in line at the post office, the young woman behind me looked extremely frazzled. I went up to the window and paid for my package and the extra stamps for my "too thick envelopes." As I stepped to the side counter to tediously place my .10 and .01 stamps the young woman stepped up to the window and blurted out "my husband just deployed and I don't know how to mail him anything, what boxes can I use, do I have to pay international fees, he's on a boat, how can I.... etc." the poor postal worker simply asked for the zip code and tried to explain that the packages are sent to a facility in the US first and that would determine the box she chose. Confused she walked to the package area and stared at the wall of boxes... 

I cautiously approached and said "first deployment?" With watery eyes she turned to me and nodded her head. I quickly explained the APO/FPO zip codes and how the boxes go to military distribution facilities within the US before being sent to ships or overseas locations. I did a quick run-down on filling out the customs forms, how priority boxes could weigh a lot but the rate didn't change compared to other boxes that you pay by weight, that she didn't have to pay international shipping rates, etc. I wrangled the toddler, and before parting ways, my last words to her- "you can do this!" 

Be kind to someone today.
Be helpful. Be Courteous.
At the very least... smile.
You never know what they are facing...

15yrs Later.

15 years ago I was eating breakfast with my mom when the towers were struck, I still went to school that day, but all we really did each period was watch the news in utter disbelief. 

15 years ago I was a freshman in  high school, the vast majority of this year's freshman class will learn about the events of September 11th as actual HISTORY. As in, they weren't born yet when this historic day took place. 

15 years of an empty place at the dinner table and a hole in the hearts of people who lost a loved one that day. 

15 years and the war is still going on.

15 years worth of deployments and some brave men and women only returning to their families in caskets draped by a flag. The American Flag. 

15 years ago our country stood united... 

15 years later - I feel as though we are more divided than ever. 

For today, can we please stand as "One Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." That is my prayer.

Good Friday +Recipe ("Crack"er Toffee)

Last weekend we drove up to Fredericksburg, VA to meet with friends living in Maryland as well as friends from Portland that flew in to spend a week with the Maryland friends, followed by a week with us. It was so much fun getting together again - it had been 2yrs since we had all lived in the same place (Hawaii) and we have added 3 more kids to the group! Easter will be our first major holiday here in Virginia that we don't have travel plans or family coming to town for. It made me a bit sad thinking about our time in Hawaii because we were such a close knit group always making sure everyone was included in holiday potlucks, etc. considering we were all thousands of miles away from family in the middle of the Pacific Ocean...

Anyway, today is Good Friday and for us that means remembering the sacrifice of our Savior Jesus Christ. We may not be truly settled into a church or have that amazing group of Friends, but the knowledge of what Jesus did for us on that Cross is enough! Christ gave it all so we may have it all in heaven. It's Friday, but Sunday is coming!

Photo credit: Verses Project

I recently made some Cracker Toffee also known as "Dessert Crack" (bad name, I know!) since once you have a piece you won't want to stop eating it, it's SO addicting! This particular batch was Easter/spring themed, but I've made it for Christmas and I'm pretty sure you could make it for absolutely any occasion by changing the type of chocolate and toppings. If you're still looking for a dessert to bring to your Easter potluck, this is quick and simple!

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"Crack"er Toffee

• Approx 50 Saltine Crackers
• 1 cup butter (2 sticks)
• 1 cup packed brown sugar
• 2 cups dark chocolate chips (or any type of chocolate you prefer)
• M&Ms for topping (I've used slivered almonds as well)

1) Preheat oven to 325*
2) Line a baking pan (mine is 17.25x11.5x1in) with foil and grease
3) Arrange saltines on pan
4) Place butter and brown sugar in a small sauce pan over medium heat
5) Once the butter melts completely, bring to a boil and stir constantly for 2min until nice and bubbly
6) Pour mixture onto the saltines, spread it quickly with a spoon/spatula
7) Place in oven for 8min
8) Remove from oven and immediately sprinkle the chocolate chips on top
9) Allow chips to sit for a minute then spread them evenly over the toffee layer
10) Sprinkle M&Ms
11) Sit on counter until cool (you can pop in the freezer for 10min but I don't recommend more unless you plan to store these in the fridge because the chocolate will sweat/melt)
12) Once completely cool and set, peel off foil and break into chunks
13) Will keep in an airtight container on the counter for 1wk (2wks in the fridge), but I doubt it will last that long!
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HAPPY EASTER!!!
-Tay

Reaching Out

I hate being the "new girl" but inevitably I am every few years. New state, new city, new base, new roads, sometimes a new language, and always... always... new faces. 

Before we got married, I remember packing - well cramming - everything I owned into my Mazda 3 and making the grueling drive across the country with my dad. It was great for us, we bonded, stayed in crappy hotels, saw amazing things, and even went up inside the St. Louis Arch. The trip didn't change me, the day my dad left did. I was alone... my soon-to-be husband was at work, and I wasn't in Arizona anymore!

We flew back to get married but afterwards it was the same old story. Lucky enough for me one of my husband's friends and co-workers had a great wife! She invited me over, we went out to lunch, she let me get us completely lost then pointed me in the right direction, she went to the commissary with me for the first time, and we bonded really well. Later they threw a BBQ and there I was introduced to a bunch of the other Marine wives... now everyone didn't welcome me with "open arms" to say, but eventually I became good friends with most of them, which is quite a feat with a group of women, can I get an "amen?" Haha!

About 5mo into my time in Maryland a new wife from my husband's company arrived, she actually moved in one street away from me. I went over to say hello and from there I became the girl who invited her over, took her out to lunch, etc. She was also pregnant and when I found out she hadn't had a baby shower... that just wouldn't do, so I opened my home, planned the whole thing, and threw her a shower.

The majority of us have now left Maryland... Some (like myself) have already PCS'd again!  We are now in Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Texas, and Virginia... but we'll never forget each other and the things that were done for us. From my second duty station I have friends back in Maryland, New York, California, North Carolina, Florida, Oregon, Colorado, Hawaii, Germany, Japan, and England (probably a few more I'm forgetting)! 

I tell you all of this to say- reach out! Don't let the "new girl" mope around in her house, be alone, and have to learn everything all by herself. Honestly, who wants or should have to do that? 

Obviously you won't stay in touch with everyone you meet. My super close friends are actually from our time in Hawaii rather than Maryland... but I am so thankful for my learning experience there. So please reach out, because who knows, your next best friend or deployment sister could be waiting!

-Tay

Guest Post: "Reigning in the Toy Clutter"

While washing dishes the other night, I smiled when I saw my Aloha surfboard behind the sink, and thought about my friend Taylor - who hosted the class I created said surfboard in. There are multiple people I can say that I've lived in 2 states with thanks to the military, but she is the winner so far with THREE! We met in my senior year of college (2008-2009) at Arizona State University. Her husband (fiancé at the time) decided to join the Navy and I married my Marine that fall. Eventually allowing us to live near each other both in Maryland and Hawaii. Crazy, right? She and I have very similar views on clutter and what gets to stay in our homes. Maybe in the future I'll do a post on how I organized little man's toys and books, but for today - I'm excited for you to read all about Taylor's toy storage solutions for her adorable little girl!

How do you handle the toy clutter?
Share your solutions with us in the comments!
-Tay

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My job as a regional rep for CeCe Caldwell’s Paints takes me around the Northwest and I’m often at my room in Lighthouse Antique Mall but I do most of my marketing work, order fulfillment and DearOlympia.com shipping from home.  My new Enchanted Northwest Soy Candle Line line demands more storage space and space is at a premium.  I refuse to take out a storage locker or cram my garage with unused stuff.  

Quick tangent: after we moved out of our military base housing in Hawaii (read: they decided to go ahead and demolish our house 3 months ahead of schedule), I promised myself that business stuff would no longer take over our living spaces.

 

In Hawaii, we literally had cases of paint lining our bedroom walls.  It’s mentally stressful to me to try to work in an abundance of clutter.  Cramming stuff in and out of shelves makes me irritable because when I have time to work alone, I want to max out that time on work and not on fighting pans and containers and shoving my daughter’s toys in every nook and cranny!

We recently purchased a foreclosure in WA and renovated it.  I didn’t want a huge house, just a livable one.  My philosophy is that you let the house size dictate your stuff, you don’t let your stuff dictate your house size.  

When we finally started to move stuff back into the house, I was like the “none shall pass” character from Monty Python.  Unless I needed to use it in the next two weeks, it didn’t come in!  We donated it or took it to the dump.  That was working well but as all parents know, Christmas can throw you. 

Adair was blessed to receive many gifts but the gifts had nowhere to go.  I decided to use an industrial shelf I already had for her toys downstairs.  I further decided that she would get rid of any toys that we couldn’t nicely fit on that shelving unit or in the tubs beside them.  She does have some shelves in her room for books and her tricycle and slide live outside.

I purchased some fabric and metal storage containers (under $75) from Target and got to work.  Craft supplies went in one container, legos in another, little figurines in another, etc.  When I was done she had some infant type toys that were large and bulky (you know the kind) that didn’t fit on the shelves.  We donated them to Salvation Army and now another child can enjoy them.  

One toy in, another toy out.  That is my policy.  I have had zero regrets so far. Adair is allowed to play with one container at a time which is good because her attention span is so short anyway.  Then we put it back in the container and put it back on the shelf.  I am hoping this puts her on a path of enjoying her stuff but not letting her stuff dictate her happiness or emotional state.

This is a key to my semi-sanity in working from home. The less to put away, the quicker I can put things back in cabinets, wipe down the counter and vacuum the floor. The fewer items we have, the easier it is for my husband and I to tag-team picking up the house because we both know where everything is and where everything goes.

My house is never as clean as I want it and I’m 100% okay with that.  It’s pretty much clutter free, though, not because of my organization skills but my ability to let go of items instead of constantly fretting over where and how to store things.  

~Taylor
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Family Near & Far.

Next to the Coast Guard the Marine Corps is the smallest military branch... When incidents happen like on Thursday evening (helicopter crash in Hawaii) there is a collective gasp, lurching of hearts, and eventually a huge flood of tears.

The Marine Corps is a family. One we have a love/hate relationship with. We love the history, the service, the pride our spouses have being part of something bigger than themselves. We hate the long hours, separations, dictating of our lives, but mainly... The unknowns.

Will my husband come home today? Most likely yes. Does that stop my heart from dropping anytime I read something like this online? No. Remember- I said the Marine Corps is small. I said we are a family. No matter where we go the probability is high that we will know at least one (usually more) person there. This is no exception... In the unit that crashed we have friends. 

Right now a friend who is probably fielding the "is he okay?" "Have you heard from him?" "Do you know..." "When will they release names?" ...and on and on... An endless drone of questions for her poor heart. She has herself and toddler to take care of, she doesn't need these questions pounding her from every corner.

I didn't ask. I simply prayed. I remember receiving questions often when my husband was deployed. Questions I didn't have answers to. Questions I sometimes didn't want an answer for. 

One of my really good friend's husband is deployed at the moment (he flies on helicopters as well). So we chatted on and off all day. Talking outcomes. Praying for miracles. How they are trained for survival. The proximity of Kauai. The weather. And more. We both still went to bed with tears in our eyes.

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**UPDATED: January 19th, 2016**
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Today my heart is heavy.
Today my eyes are red rimmed & wet.
Today and forever the Marine Corps Family will weep for those precious souls lost.
Rest now heroes. Your job here on earth is done. Now your families wait to see you on that final homecoming day when they too reach heaven and can wrap their arms around you once again.

 

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If you want a tangible and reputable way to help the families of these 12 Marines, please follow this link: http://www.wingmanfoundation.org/463/ 

 

With love and prayer,

-Tay

Sadly... Instead of positivity and encouragement, I have seen rude, bitter, and condescending comments written on news articles and photos posted about this incident. If you feel the need to comment on such things...

I have three things to ask of you:

1. Enough with the conspiracy theories - seriously, just stop!
2. The military isn't leaving Hawaii, we need mutual respect & tolerance (from both sides).
3. No matter your views on the military remember that you are talking about 12 souls - 12 people whose lives are just as important as anyone else (yours included) - and now 12 families with holes in their hearts... Watch your words. Closely.

I know I said three... But please take this to heart as well: Stop being keyboard bullies in general. Stop hiding behind the computer screen. Just stop typing. That old adage of "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all," absolutely applies here (not to mention daily).

NAS Oceana Airshow 2015

We headed down to the airshow mid-morning opening day... It was quite busy! Somehow we got into a preferred parking lane and ended up parking where the fighter jets usually are on base. No one told us to show a pass or anything so we just went with it. Because of where we parked we didn't need to take a shuttle, we just loaded up the stroller and walked to the entry. We got to see a military landing zone and bombing demo, the Geico Skytypers, an awesome aerial show in a Texan, and some skydivers. Of course we were there for the Blue Angel's though!

Ear pro by Baby Banz

Mamarazzi... hehe, love my boys! They are checking out the skydivers.

SO MANY PEOPLE!

F22 Raptor, my favorite! Our windows would rattle like crazy when they flew over our house in Hawaii.

Despite the Blue Angels not performing until 3pm we ended up heading back to the car around 2pm since baby boy was completely spent, and probably a bit dehydrated, little did we know we would be getting to see the Blue Angel's after all! He drank some water and promptly passed out. We spent nearly 1.5hrs in the parking lot... for some reason they only had one exit route set-up for the parking area we were in. Let me just say you sure can learn a lot about a person's character when stuck in a parking lot. There were two cars that decided they were far more important than everyone else and bullied their way through the lines (I mean we didn't want to get in an accident, and I don't think anyone else did, so when they kept edging in and honking their horns we weren't chancing it!). Despite watching the Blue Angels from the car and the crazy parking situation - it was a good day!

What is your favorite part of attending an airshow?
-Tay

Strong Women.

The saying "you know what you were getting yourself into" sure gets old after awhile...

I have a good friend who's husband is currently away for training prior to a 6mo deployment. They went through a combat deployment while they were dating but this will be their first while married. Time and distance are one thing before marriage, but once you get used to living, sleeping, eating, and sharing everything with your spouse... the prospect of that not happening daily is downright overwhelming. I completely understand what she's going through, and she knows I am there for her (despite the distance, I wish so badly we were still living in the same place) but unfortunately the women she has encountered at her new duty station haven't been so, um, understanding... to put it nicely.

They compare.
They one-up.
They tell her to deal with it.
They really need to stop.

Everyone is always saying that we aren't treated equally by men ...but how can we expect that when we don't event treat each other equally? For me life isn't some huge competition to see who comes out on top, its about the connections we make, the people we love, and the life we share together.

How did I get here? Where am I going?

My 10yr high school reunion is coming up, along with my baby sister's wedding, and my son's first birthday... Recently when I lie (lay?) awake at night mind racing, my thoughts keep coming back too...

• How did I end up here?
• How do I have a bachelor's degree that I've never used?
• How have I been out of high school for 10yrs and college for 6yrs?
• How has the longest job I've held only been 4yrs and part-time at that?
• How will I be 29 in nearly a month?
• How did I manage to be primarily a WAHW and now a WAHM?
• How do other military spouses transfer successful careers?
• How do moms choose career or kids? Or both? How do they juggle the time?

Then I hear the rustling of my son on the baby monitor, slowly turning into whimpers, and then cries. Cries for me.

I carried him inside me for 38wks. I went through some crazy ups & downs during the pregnancy. He decided to come 2wks early. My labor was at 25hrs when they discovered my body physically couldn't open for him to exit and 26hrs by the time they wheeled me into the OR. For the first 2mo of his life he nursed every 45min to 2hrs, 24hrs a day. I have watched him triple his birth weight, reach milestones, explore the world around him, continually growing right in front of my eyes.

So as I walk into his room and see him standing along the railing with little tears rolling down his cheeks, arms up waiting for me... I know this, for now, is exactly where I am suppose to be. We nurse & rock in the glider until he starts rubbing his sleepy eyes, then I transfer him back into his crib where, on a good night, he slips back into dreamland and I tip-toe out of his room avoiding the creaky floorboard by his door. I take one last glance of his sweet little face illuminated by the nightlight and quietly close the door, head back to my bed and slip under the sheets.

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.”

‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

After being unemployed for the first 10mo of our marriage I took a crazy job with weird hours working for a school and sports portrait company that had me travel all over the state of Maryland. It worked because my husband had crazy hours as well. Once we moved to Hawaii I started my current job about 6mo after we arrived. I loved the part time flexibility because it allowed me ample time to explore the island and volunteer for things I was passionate about. Since I no longer reside in Hawaii I am wrapping up loose ends and training my replacement via online and phone sessions. I am about to become unemployed once again. But now... I am a mommy. I have a little one to invest in. I think I'll be okay. I just have to remember that we can be smart with our finances and God has something big in store for me even if I'm feeling like my dreams are a little small at the moment.

This face helps, even on the days I feel like I'm losing my mind!

What do you do when you start to question your life?

-Tay

Dating Friends.

Making new friends is like dating without having to worry about physical intimacy...

• You still have that awkward first encounter.
• You have to be brave enough to say "hello."
• Once names have been established you need to decide what your first outing (aka "date") will be. Coffee, dinner, game night?
• You get butterflies before said event. 
• Your mind goes through the mental checklist- am I wearing an appropriate outfit for the situation, is my side dish/dessert/etc going to be good, will we have anything to talk about?
• After said event mentally you go through all the "stupid" stuff you said or did wishing you could change it/take it back.
• If you liked the person/people you anxiously wait for a text/call.
• When the text/call comes to invite you to another event you physically feel relieved. If it doesn't... Well that's what dark chocolate & Netflix are for, right? And if you didn't like them you've got to figure out a way to "break-up."

 

Add in husbands & children and it's like a group date mixing junior high and college- men congregating, girl talk, screaming, things being flung across the room, beer & wine (+more after your child spills chicken all over your potential friend's carpet).

And people think you stop having first dates once you get married. Hah!

The Friendship Waiting Game.

Sometimes I really dislike being "the new kid on the block." No, I didn't go back to school, but I did just move 4,900mi over the Pacific and entire U.S. Continent. In 6yrs this is my 5th state... 2009 was the craziest - living in California for 5mo, Arizona for 5mo, and ending up in Maryland for the last 2. We moved from Maryland to Hawaii in spring of 2011, and just arrived here in Virginia about 7wks ago.

My house still needs some things put up on the walls, but the majority of "moving in" is done. I will forever tweak things, make small changes, re-arrange, and by the time it's "just right" it will be time to move again. But that's a whole different story...

Today I want to write about loneliness. We have been in this house for a little over 1mo. I have met a couple of the neighbors but they are all older than us and I don't really see them being "buddies" with a younger couple and their 9mo old baby. My husband works odd hours (ranging from 8-14hr days) Mon-Fri with the occasional weekend shift. I do work from home (surprise!) but it's all online marketing items done mainly by e-mail and/or social media, if the phone is involved it generally isn't a good thing. 

Which means... My main source of conversation is my son. Who only knows how to say "mama" "dada" "baba" and a bunch of gibberish that I can't translate. Of course I can call my family anytime, they love hearing from me and face-timing with their grandson/nephew, but that's not the same. They aren't here. They can't go see a movie with me, grab lunch, attend a workout class, etc. 

I am married to a wonderful man and we eat dinner together and usually take the baby on an evening walk while we talk. But he needs time to decompress after work even though some days all I want to do is plop the baby in his lap and drive to the grocery store or Target with no shopping list, just to aimlessly wander.

My son amazes me everyday with his new discoveries and likes. Earlier this afternoon he pulled all the books out of his toy bin and was "reading" them instead of playing with all the shiny-loud-plastic things. It was adorable.

As I mentioned before, my family is truly only a phone call away, I love it. 

BUT I crave face-to-face time, I want to know that someone I trust will take care of my son while my husband and I go on a much needed date (what are those?), I want a friend or two (really I'm not asking for a lot) that knows my likes-dislikes-fears-beliefs-etc and wants to be around me, and I them. 

I miss our "Hawaii Ohana" every day. We have a few friends we really clicked with in our short time from Maryland - but Hawaii brought us an extremely tight-knit group. To the point that if you were broken down on the other side of the island it would only take one text or call to have someone there to help! When a husband was deployed, the other husbands did car, yard, and maintenance work for the wife left behind. If you had a rough day, you could walk down the road and sit on your friend's couch while she chose a chick-flick, threw a bag of popcorn in the microwave, and poured you a glass of wine. We didn't knock if they knew we were coming, we walked in as if we belonged. We knew our way around each others kitchens and rotated dinner nights. We went on outings and vacations together. We celebrated holidays and big life events together. We had children together. We did life together. We weren't family by blood, but by choice.

I want that here. I need it. I am sick of being lonely. 

Here it's a bit different... We don't live on base. We don't have a family readiness group. The unit is so small and specialized some people don't even know they exist. 

So military items aside - Our neighborhood doesn't have a community center. I was amazed at how expensive the YMCA memberships are. MyGym/Gymboree for kids is WAY more expensive than a gym membership would be for myself. And we have tried so many churches but none of them have "felt like home." Some people don't understand that, but it's how we know it's the right place for us. Especially since those tight-knit people I was talking about from Hawaii... 75% of them we met through our church.

I am still getting used to my surroundings and the roads. But I am hoping to try out a free mommy & me class at the gym. Maybe do a story time event at a library (although my guy is still kind of little to understand). I'm trying to find a local MOPS group to join. I would love to take a class at Michael's or even the community college just for fun, but it would have to be evening/weekend and my husband isn't always guaranteed to be home. And before you say "hire a sitter" we refuse to let anyone watch our baby that we don't know personally, too many crazies out there. That's just the way it is for us.

I know friends will happen. They did in California, Maryland, and Hawaii... It's just a waiting game and I'm getting impatient.

Have you moved recently? Do you move often? What are your tips for making good quality friendships in a new completely unfamiliar place?
-Tay

Home Is Where The Heart Is

We've all heard it, seen it posted somewhere, heck many of us may have a pretty version of it hanging on our wall! As much as I like this saying, sometimes being a military wife we need another saying to preface it.

So... let's take a mini-trip down memory lane (mine that is, unless you just so happened to be in San Francisco sometime in April of 2009). I worked for the MWR from January-May of 2009, my final senior internship for my Recreation degree from Arizona State University-I miss that job! Anyway back to our trip, my sister flew in towards the end of my internship and we spent a quick weekend being tourists in San Francisco and the surrounding areas. It was so much fun, we took hundreds of photos, rode the cable cars, walked down Lombard St., explored China Town, enjoyed Pier 39 and Ghirardelli Square, and even went salsa dancing after making a quick purchase of some dress flats from Payless (no tennis shoes allowed in the club).

Now I'm sure all of you are staring at your computer screen wondering how on earth this is suppose to relate to "home is where the heart is." Don't worry I'm getting there!

We made very little purchases while we were there, lack of money was one reason the other is that we've never been very materialistic, and photos are our best souvenirs from trips. However, while we were in China Town there was a set of hand painted prints I just couldn't pass up.

 Honor. Courage. Dream.Where ever you may go, go with all your heart.

These all mean a lot to my husband and I, we have them hanging in our bedroom in a place we can see them every morning when we wake up. The first three are very important... but did you catch that last one? I mean did you really capture it's significance?

Where ever you may go, go with all your heart.

Military ladies... we move (a lot), I've done it, you've done it, we'll keep doing it. It's the military way of life. But we have to remember to truly invest ourselves in our new locations- make friends, find a church and volunteer, actually learn your neighbors names, try to have an open fridge house... this something my mom taught me. You visit my house once and I will serve you a drink, snacks, maybe even dinner. The second time you come, "you're home," please help yourself. I feel as though after a move we sometimes become "shut-ins." Not in the sense that we sit in our house all day, but rather that we shut others out for fear of being hurt (again). I know the sadness of saying goodbye to family, friends, loved ones. But, we can't let this fear mold our lives... we need to live our lives to the fullest! Be yourself,
accept invitations, you never know who will be placed in your life for that short season, or who you will have a positive affect on.

"There is a time for
everything,
for every activity under heaven."
~Ecclesiastes 3:1

So don't forget that where ever you may go in your journey of life, to go with all your heart!"

Choosing a man, not a lifestyle.

I am living the military life and let me make this clear... I did not choose it. I chose a man who is proudly serving his country, whom I am madly in love with. We dated long distance our ENTIRE relationship. The closest we ever lived to each other was a 3hr drive, insanely enough that's how we met. Even that only lasted 4 months and he was re-stationed 2,300+ mi away! Yet, the 4 months of our weekend dates must have been pretty special because we decided to make things work. The longest we've gone without seeing each other is 10mo, man does it suck. We've spent thousands (literally) of dollars on cross-country plane tickets, more money on postal services to mail gifts, etc. Even with being married for almost 7mo now, we've spent more time apart than we have together!

One of the weirdest question I hear is- "how/why do you do this?" How on earth can you ask me or any military wife that question...seriously. How? Why? I married him for crying out loud, and I wasn't given an instruction manual, that would have made a nice little gift. I don't ask you how you live married to a lawyer or an accountant. I don't ask you why you complain about your husband's week long business trip when I have to deal with months at a time. I think people who ask that are silly and petty, and with my whole heart I think they need to remember why they married their husband. =/ I hope it was for love.

If we must be labeled (stupid) my husband and I are Christians. We profess that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior. This was an interesting topic early in our dating, as he was semi-raised Catholic, yet didn't attend services. He did attend the protestant services on base and was beginning to find his way in faith when we met. Later in our dating we did devotionals and book studies together via phone. [Daily Bread & The Relationship Principles of Jesus] Once we were engaged we managed to get our then pastors to work together to counsel us separately, while we discussed the topics of our book "Preparing for Marriage God's Way" during our phone conversations. It was intense, I had to learn the true meaning of a wife being submissive (not a slave!) and he had to realize it was his duty to lead and protect this family the same way Christ leads and ultimately sacrificed for us (intense!).

This life isn't easy. It isn't anything I imagined I would be doing. But, I love him and know his duty to our country is important. I don't have a job, not for lack of trying or education, I have my Bachelor's of Science... but moving around has made having a career tough. I am also selective about the hours I will work, I believe my husband and I need/deserve time together. He is gone for work in the vicinity of 10-12hrs a day, PT included. Meaning if I were to work late afternoons/evenings or weekends, well we would never see each other. In my mind- not acceptable. My marriage is much more important to me than some job will ever be. Do not mistake or confuse this for me being completely dependent on him, not true. I hang out with other wives, fiancees, and girlfriends, I do volunteer events, I am a consultant for a Candle/Military Gear company, I craft, attend Bible study, and do many other things for myself. My identity is not tied solely to my husband, though I love him dearly and have taken his last name.

So I am a...

Child of God.
Daughter.
Grand daughter.
Sister.
Cousin.
"Aunt."
Friend.
USMC Wife♥
&
Lover.
Fighter.
Dreamer.