I get asked the weirdest things sometimes regarding my marriage... a recent one was “knowing what you do now about the military lifestyle would you still have have chosen to marry your husband?”
After my initial blank stare and thinking “wait, for real?” in my head... yes, unequivocally yes. First, I fell in love with him, not his job. Second, I met him after he had already joined the military, this was already his chosen career path so that was present right from the start. I know what you’re thinking though- “what about the separations, the deployments, the trainings, the constant moves, the lack of a career for you, everything you’ve given up?” Well let me address those...
Being separated from the one you love regardless of a TDY, training exercise, or deployment teaches you a lot about yourself. You figure out what you can handle on your own, you set a schedule that works for you, you dig into the community and find a tribe like no other, you get it done. It also makes you appreciate your time with your spouse that much more. Do we argue, get on each other’s nerves, push each others buttons, go through periods of not liking one another. Yes, yes, yes a hundred times yes. But love. Always. Even amongst the fights and tears.
As far as my lack of career and sacrifices that I’ve made, well yes, it’s interesting and frustrating all at the same time. I gave up a job opportunity with Norwegian Cruise Lines to marry my husband and move 2,300mi away from everything and everyone I knew. I have a degree in Recreation and Tourism Management, that has never been used for the intended purpose. I easily could have, especially during our time in Hawaii, however nights and weekends are the main work hours in this field (besides school programs which I hope to get into someday) and if I chose that then I would never see my husband (and now children), which wasn’t worth it to me. Plus, throw in the cost of childcare and not seeing my babies hit milestones, you get where I’m going with this. That is not to say I haven’t worked! In Maryland I worked for a school and sports portrait company. In Hawaii I ran my own photography business and was hired by a team of realtors to handle their social media and marketing- which I actually still do today remotely from Virginia!
As far as moving every 2-4yrs. Yes it’s hard. I can’t sugar coat that. However, I never would have been able to afford a place in Hawaii with the ocean less than an 1/8th of a mile from my front door. I never would have chosen to live in Maryland or Virgina but both places have offered amazing road trip experiences and friendships. Speaking of friendships... I’m not one of those people with a best friend who I grew up with, my closest, most understanding, and real friendships have come from meeting and diving into relationships with people in each place I’ve lived.
This life, as I assume with any lifestyle/marriage, is a give and take. Do I feel like I give more somedays? Definitely. However my husband’s mind and body is pushed to the limit daily and he loves his job so there’s nothing I would want to say to take that away from him. People seem to think marriage is 50/50... but that’s just inadequate. You can’t devote half yourself to something so important. Marriage is 100/100... you devote everything you have so when your spouse drops to 50% your love carries them through, and vice versus. It’s not a game to see who does more. There isn’t a winner or loser within a team.
