Anxious Mommy Heart.

No one tells you how truly stressful parenting can be... 

You try to balance between discipline and teaching respect. You make sure he knows his ABCs, 123s, colors, shapes, etc. You read to him to encourage the love/habit. You have him unload the silverware from the dishwasher and help sort laundry to foster teamwork. You socialize with other parents who have kids his age to encourage friendship. You struggle with potty training, but push on. You make time for one-one-one outings to remind him he was your first baby. You love him unconditionally even on the days you want to pull your hair and hide in the closet.

And then he gets sick. His small pitiful 3yr old voice crying for “Mommy” breaks your heart. You want to cuddle with him and make it all better but the baby is screaming and now you’re terrified of her getting sick too. The nurse hotline gave great advice, but it didn’t quench my anxious mommy heart. This has been the scariest flu season I can remember in my 30yrs+ on earth... my husband had a co-worker die from it this week! That’s way too close to home. Way too close to my kids. Way too stressful for my anxiety-riddled mind to even comprehend right now... it’s 10:41pm and my alarm is going to go off in exactly 19min for me to check my son’s temperature for no less than the 10th time since this afternoon. If I wasn’t 3mo post partum and nursing the baby I would give anything for me to be the one sick and not him... but I cannot fathom being sick, nursing, and taking care of both of them as well. I know it’s possible. If it happens I will power through. But man. Parenting is hard. Body, soul, and mind.

Praying and clinging to these words tonight: 

“Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.”

Romans 12:12 GNT

Family Near & Far.

Next to the Coast Guard the Marine Corps is the smallest military branch... When incidents happen like on Thursday evening (helicopter crash in Hawaii) there is a collective gasp, lurching of hearts, and eventually a huge flood of tears.

The Marine Corps is a family. One we have a love/hate relationship with. We love the history, the service, the pride our spouses have being part of something bigger than themselves. We hate the long hours, separations, dictating of our lives, but mainly... The unknowns.

Will my husband come home today? Most likely yes. Does that stop my heart from dropping anytime I read something like this online? No. Remember- I said the Marine Corps is small. I said we are a family. No matter where we go the probability is high that we will know at least one (usually more) person there. This is no exception... In the unit that crashed we have friends. 

Right now a friend who is probably fielding the "is he okay?" "Have you heard from him?" "Do you know..." "When will they release names?" ...and on and on... An endless drone of questions for her poor heart. She has herself and toddler to take care of, she doesn't need these questions pounding her from every corner.

I didn't ask. I simply prayed. I remember receiving questions often when my husband was deployed. Questions I didn't have answers to. Questions I sometimes didn't want an answer for. 

One of my really good friend's husband is deployed at the moment (he flies on helicopters as well). So we chatted on and off all day. Talking outcomes. Praying for miracles. How they are trained for survival. The proximity of Kauai. The weather. And more. We both still went to bed with tears in our eyes.

---------------------------------------------
**UPDATED: January 19th, 2016**
---------------------------------------------

Today my heart is heavy.
Today my eyes are red rimmed & wet.
Today and forever the Marine Corps Family will weep for those precious souls lost.
Rest now heroes. Your job here on earth is done. Now your families wait to see you on that final homecoming day when they too reach heaven and can wrap their arms around you once again.

 

  ---------------------------------------------

If you want a tangible and reputable way to help the families of these 12 Marines, please follow this link: http://www.wingmanfoundation.org/463/ 

 

With love and prayer,

-Tay

Sadly... Instead of positivity and encouragement, I have seen rude, bitter, and condescending comments written on news articles and photos posted about this incident. If you feel the need to comment on such things...

I have three things to ask of you:

1. Enough with the conspiracy theories - seriously, just stop!
2. The military isn't leaving Hawaii, we need mutual respect & tolerance (from both sides).
3. No matter your views on the military remember that you are talking about 12 souls - 12 people whose lives are just as important as anyone else (yours included) - and now 12 families with holes in their hearts... Watch your words. Closely.

I know I said three... But please take this to heart as well: Stop being keyboard bullies in general. Stop hiding behind the computer screen. Just stop typing. That old adage of "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all," absolutely applies here (not to mention daily).