You Can Do This.

"Thank you so much for the advice, it means a lot!" <--- those are the gracious words I received today for taking compassion on someone who's shoes I've been in before. 

Standing in line at the post office, the young woman behind me looked extremely frazzled. I went up to the window and paid for my package and the extra stamps for my "too thick envelopes." As I stepped to the side counter to tediously place my .10 and .01 stamps the young woman stepped up to the window and blurted out "my husband just deployed and I don't know how to mail him anything, what boxes can I use, do I have to pay international fees, he's on a boat, how can I.... etc." the poor postal worker simply asked for the zip code and tried to explain that the packages are sent to a facility in the US first and that would determine the box she chose. Confused she walked to the package area and stared at the wall of boxes... 

I cautiously approached and said "first deployment?" With watery eyes she turned to me and nodded her head. I quickly explained the APO/FPO zip codes and how the boxes go to military distribution facilities within the US before being sent to ships or overseas locations. I did a quick run-down on filling out the customs forms, how priority boxes could weigh a lot but the rate didn't change compared to other boxes that you pay by weight, that she didn't have to pay international shipping rates, etc. I wrangled the toddler, and before parting ways, my last words to her- "you can do this!" 

Be kind to someone today.
Be helpful. Be Courteous.
At the very least... smile.
You never know what they are facing...

10,978 days.

A HUGE part of me wants to freak out, say this can't be true, where did my twenties go, how am I this old, what have I truly accomplished in my life, and on and on... But, as I look back - I have lived an amazing life. One that others may look at and wish they had. One life. My life.

I didn't grow up with the "best" of everything, but I did grow up with everything I needed (and more). We had a nice house, our own rooms, and plenty of food in the fridge. One set of grandparents lived 10min away and we stayed with them often when we were younger. I had clothes, shoes, and sports gear even if it was second hand it all served its purpose and saved my parents money that was used for our sports fees and annual family trips. It also taught me the value of the dollar, thrift stores, a good sale, and savings! I'm sure my mom will point out we didn't always see eye to eye, but what teenager does especially when all the "cool" kids are dressing in name brands, etc.

We didn't have a pool but who needs one when all the neighbor's do and your family has a boat (and a timeshare to Lake Havasu)! Growing up in the desert lead to outdoor hiking adventures and fun on quads/dirt bikes both of which my dad bought for my sister and I after much research and finding them used at a great price via the classified ads (you know, those things prior to Craigslist!)
I didn't get a brand spankin' new car for my 16th birthday like 75% of my high school class, but I did learn to drive manual, change my oil, fix a flat, check my fluids, and watch my tire pressure... All things hardly anyone then much less now knows how to do! Thanks mom and dad. Not to mention my 4x4 1988 Pathfinder was a pretty awesome little beast.

I don't remember much about school other than I never felt like I fit in very well from Kindergarten all the way until my sophomore year of college... But I do remember my parents supporting, pushing, and tutoring me in everything I went for... From the 5th grade ELP exams, to dual credit high school courses, and SAT studies. Through all the homework tears they never gave up on me and I was the first one in our family to receive a full-ride tuition scholarship followed by a bachelor's degree (my awesome sister got the masters!).

Sports came and went ...didn't like gymnastics, didn't like figure skating, but I wasn't allowed to give up without completing the session, teaching me to follow through with things. I fell into soccer and my parents spent years driving us all over the southwest for weekend tournaments. The same for roller hockey, but they took it a step further being our coaches for a number of seasons and sticking up for us as the only girls playing.

Before I could even walk I went to Hawaii, who knew I would move there 24yrs later? I have lived in Arizona, California, Maryland, Hawaii, and Virginia. I have visited: Colorado, Florida, Kentucky, Missouri, Nevada, New Mexico, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, and Washington (I didn't include drive-thru or lay-over states: Illinois, Indiana, Oklahoma, West Virginia).

I've also traveled to Mexico (Puerto Penasco, Cabo San Lucas, San Luis, Costa Maya, Cozumel), Canada (Victoria, BC), Belize (Belize City), and studied abroad in New Zealand (Auckland, Rotorua, Tauranga) and Australia (Sydney, Canberra, Cairns, Brisbane). We also went to "the happiest place on earth" often when we were younger because my other grandparents lived just a few miles away in Garden Grove, CA (spoiled!).

I met my husband at 20yrs old and we got married when I was 23. Since then we've lived in 3 states and 4 homes, had 3 guinea pigs, 4 cars total (2 currently still), I've had 3 jobs, attended 3 churches, and most importantly we welcomed our son into he world! It seems surreal that this coming month we will celebrate 7yrs of marriage.

My life hasn't been "a complete fairytale"... I've dealt with minor things like hurt feelings, loneliness,  and heartbreak ...to major things like my dad's cancer diagnosis/treatments, anxiety/panic attacks, losing a set of grandparents, being ostracized by extended family, and having what I thought were good friends fall to the wayside or leave me behind completely. We continually move to places where I know no one and despite my degree I don't have a career or even a job to speak of at the moment. I've lost childhood friends to war and PTSD, seen friends lose their parents/siblings, some go through terrible separations/divorce, witnessed others battle over custody of children, and one of the worst things ever - seeing dear friends watch their babies fight to live only to have some pass away.

All that being said there has been plenty of good! Weddings, babies being born, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, fun trips, spontaneous adventures, surprises, girls nights, gaining lifelong friends, deepening my relationship with Christ, and so many tiny everyday "happy moments" I've lost track of!

God blessed me with entering this world in 1986 and 30yrs later I am still here. A little more confident, wiser, yet rough around the edges. A good friend posted this: "Do not regret growing older, it is a privilege denied to many."

Here's to no regrets - only learning from mistakes, loving those I hold dear, and continually living life to the fullest!

Reaching Out

I hate being the "new girl" but inevitably I am every few years. New state, new city, new base, new roads, sometimes a new language, and always... always... new faces. 

Before we got married, I remember packing - well cramming - everything I owned into my Mazda 3 and making the grueling drive across the country with my dad. It was great for us, we bonded, stayed in crappy hotels, saw amazing things, and even went up inside the St. Louis Arch. The trip didn't change me, the day my dad left did. I was alone... my soon-to-be husband was at work, and I wasn't in Arizona anymore!

We flew back to get married but afterwards it was the same old story. Lucky enough for me one of my husband's friends and co-workers had a great wife! She invited me over, we went out to lunch, she let me get us completely lost then pointed me in the right direction, she went to the commissary with me for the first time, and we bonded really well. Later they threw a BBQ and there I was introduced to a bunch of the other Marine wives... now everyone didn't welcome me with "open arms" to say, but eventually I became good friends with most of them, which is quite a feat with a group of women, can I get an "amen?" Haha!

About 5mo into my time in Maryland a new wife from my husband's company arrived, she actually moved in one street away from me. I went over to say hello and from there I became the girl who invited her over, took her out to lunch, etc. She was also pregnant and when I found out she hadn't had a baby shower... that just wouldn't do, so I opened my home, planned the whole thing, and threw her a shower.

The majority of us have now left Maryland... Some (like myself) have already PCS'd again!  We are now in Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Texas, and Virginia... but we'll never forget each other and the things that were done for us. From my second duty station I have friends back in Maryland, New York, California, North Carolina, Florida, Oregon, Colorado, Hawaii, Germany, Japan, and England (probably a few more I'm forgetting)! 

I tell you all of this to say- reach out! Don't let the "new girl" mope around in her house, be alone, and have to learn everything all by herself. Honestly, who wants or should have to do that? 

Obviously you won't stay in touch with everyone you meet. My super close friends are actually from our time in Hawaii rather than Maryland... but I am so thankful for my learning experience there. So please reach out, because who knows, your next best friend or deployment sister could be waiting!

-Tay

Strong Women.

The saying "you know what you were getting yourself into" sure gets old after awhile...

I have a good friend who's husband is currently away for training prior to a 6mo deployment. They went through a combat deployment while they were dating but this will be their first while married. Time and distance are one thing before marriage, but once you get used to living, sleeping, eating, and sharing everything with your spouse... the prospect of that not happening daily is downright overwhelming. I completely understand what she's going through, and she knows I am there for her (despite the distance, I wish so badly we were still living in the same place) but unfortunately the women she has encountered at her new duty station haven't been so, um, understanding... to put it nicely.

They compare.
They one-up.
They tell her to deal with it.
They really need to stop.

Everyone is always saying that we aren't treated equally by men ...but how can we expect that when we don't event treat each other equally? For me life isn't some huge competition to see who comes out on top, its about the connections we make, the people we love, and the life we share together.

Dating Friends.

Making new friends is like dating without having to worry about physical intimacy...

• You still have that awkward first encounter.
• You have to be brave enough to say "hello."
• Once names have been established you need to decide what your first outing (aka "date") will be. Coffee, dinner, game night?
• You get butterflies before said event. 
• Your mind goes through the mental checklist- am I wearing an appropriate outfit for the situation, is my side dish/dessert/etc going to be good, will we have anything to talk about?
• After said event mentally you go through all the "stupid" stuff you said or did wishing you could change it/take it back.
• If you liked the person/people you anxiously wait for a text/call.
• When the text/call comes to invite you to another event you physically feel relieved. If it doesn't... Well that's what dark chocolate & Netflix are for, right? And if you didn't like them you've got to figure out a way to "break-up."

 

Add in husbands & children and it's like a group date mixing junior high and college- men congregating, girl talk, screaming, things being flung across the room, beer & wine (+more after your child spills chicken all over your potential friend's carpet).

And people think you stop having first dates once you get married. Hah!

Home Is Where The Heart Is

We've all heard it, seen it posted somewhere, heck many of us may have a pretty version of it hanging on our wall! As much as I like this saying, sometimes being a military wife we need another saying to preface it.

So... let's take a mini-trip down memory lane (mine that is, unless you just so happened to be in San Francisco sometime in April of 2009). I worked for the MWR from January-May of 2009, my final senior internship for my Recreation degree from Arizona State University-I miss that job! Anyway back to our trip, my sister flew in towards the end of my internship and we spent a quick weekend being tourists in San Francisco and the surrounding areas. It was so much fun, we took hundreds of photos, rode the cable cars, walked down Lombard St., explored China Town, enjoyed Pier 39 and Ghirardelli Square, and even went salsa dancing after making a quick purchase of some dress flats from Payless (no tennis shoes allowed in the club).

Now I'm sure all of you are staring at your computer screen wondering how on earth this is suppose to relate to "home is where the heart is." Don't worry I'm getting there!

We made very little purchases while we were there, lack of money was one reason the other is that we've never been very materialistic, and photos are our best souvenirs from trips. However, while we were in China Town there was a set of hand painted prints I just couldn't pass up.

 Honor. Courage. Dream.Where ever you may go, go with all your heart.

These all mean a lot to my husband and I, we have them hanging in our bedroom in a place we can see them every morning when we wake up. The first three are very important... but did you catch that last one? I mean did you really capture it's significance?

Where ever you may go, go with all your heart.

Military ladies... we move (a lot), I've done it, you've done it, we'll keep doing it. It's the military way of life. But we have to remember to truly invest ourselves in our new locations- make friends, find a church and volunteer, actually learn your neighbors names, try to have an open fridge house... this something my mom taught me. You visit my house once and I will serve you a drink, snacks, maybe even dinner. The second time you come, "you're home," please help yourself. I feel as though after a move we sometimes become "shut-ins." Not in the sense that we sit in our house all day, but rather that we shut others out for fear of being hurt (again). I know the sadness of saying goodbye to family, friends, loved ones. But, we can't let this fear mold our lives... we need to live our lives to the fullest! Be yourself,
accept invitations, you never know who will be placed in your life for that short season, or who you will have a positive affect on.

"There is a time for
everything,
for every activity under heaven."
~Ecclesiastes 3:1

So don't forget that where ever you may go in your journey of life, to go with all your heart!"