Lakeside Contemplation.

Tonight's lakeside contemplation...

I love the diversity of backgrounds my friends come from, but right now I am so tired of my Facebook feed basically being article after article of mudslinging. If we all stopped focusing on three people, whom will most likely never even know our names much less what our lives are like - how we make a living, who our friends are, what our goals and dreams are, where we go to church, where our favorite local burger joint is, which beach we end up on to clear our minds, etc. and simply focused on each other I truly think we'd be better off! Be a great family member, neighbor, volunteer, write your senator/congressman, help invoke policies that directly relate to what you dream and desire to see changed! Clinton, Trump, and Johnson aren't going to be there for you when times get tough in your personal life - don't push away those that will.

Ohana.

For those of you who have never left home (I'm talking more than those 4yrs of college or moving a town away) I don't really know how to explain this accurately but I will do my best.

Moving somewhere completely new changes you in ways you can never understand. Moving to an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean thousands of miles away from anyone you know adds a whole new element. My time in Maryland was short all of 16mo, we did find a church and a group of friends to "do life" with, most of which we keep in touch with today. But Hawaii is where our life really became "our own."

Within 3 months of moving there I started having debilitating panic attacks - to the point of throwing up, jolting awake, and having to go to the ER twice within 2wks. We were desperate for answers, desperate for a place to call home (been in an hotel room for 60 days and ended up in a temporary apartment for 3mo before renting our home on base), and desperate for a place to fit in.

We tried a few churches, but once we walked into Hope Chapel Kaneohe Bay (now Anchor Church) we knew we were "home." I started attending a women's study and we planned to join a married group once my husband returned from his upcoming deployment. The women in my small group got me through my anxiety issues, supported me during the deployment, and some became very close friends that I talk to daily/weekly even now!

Once my husband returned we jumped into a young married's group and the rest is history... Weekend get togethers, impromptu dinner nights, beach & boat trips, hikes, holiday parties & potlucks, rallying around those who moved/were sick/had kids/etc. These people were our Ohana, we knew if we needed something all we had to do was call. Even if our car broke down on the other side of the island, someone would show up! Thousands of miles away from home and we still had that safety net. There's just something about that island. That life. That time. I will never forget those moments or people.

I need to find that here. 

Reaching Out

I hate being the "new girl" but inevitably I am every few years. New state, new city, new base, new roads, sometimes a new language, and always... always... new faces. 

Before we got married, I remember packing - well cramming - everything I owned into my Mazda 3 and making the grueling drive across the country with my dad. It was great for us, we bonded, stayed in crappy hotels, saw amazing things, and even went up inside the St. Louis Arch. The trip didn't change me, the day my dad left did. I was alone... my soon-to-be husband was at work, and I wasn't in Arizona anymore!

We flew back to get married but afterwards it was the same old story. Lucky enough for me one of my husband's friends and co-workers had a great wife! She invited me over, we went out to lunch, she let me get us completely lost then pointed me in the right direction, she went to the commissary with me for the first time, and we bonded really well. Later they threw a BBQ and there I was introduced to a bunch of the other Marine wives... now everyone didn't welcome me with "open arms" to say, but eventually I became good friends with most of them, which is quite a feat with a group of women, can I get an "amen?" Haha!

About 5mo into my time in Maryland a new wife from my husband's company arrived, she actually moved in one street away from me. I went over to say hello and from there I became the girl who invited her over, took her out to lunch, etc. She was also pregnant and when I found out she hadn't had a baby shower... that just wouldn't do, so I opened my home, planned the whole thing, and threw her a shower.

The majority of us have now left Maryland... Some (like myself) have already PCS'd again!  We are now in Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Texas, and Virginia... but we'll never forget each other and the things that were done for us. From my second duty station I have friends back in Maryland, New York, California, North Carolina, Florida, Oregon, Colorado, Hawaii, Germany, Japan, and England (probably a few more I'm forgetting)! 

I tell you all of this to say- reach out! Don't let the "new girl" mope around in her house, be alone, and have to learn everything all by herself. Honestly, who wants or should have to do that? 

Obviously you won't stay in touch with everyone you meet. My super close friends are actually from our time in Hawaii rather than Maryland... but I am so thankful for my learning experience there. So please reach out, because who knows, your next best friend or deployment sister could be waiting!

-Tay

Guest Post: "Reigning in the Toy Clutter"

While washing dishes the other night, I smiled when I saw my Aloha surfboard behind the sink, and thought about my friend Taylor - who hosted the class I created said surfboard in. There are multiple people I can say that I've lived in 2 states with thanks to the military, but she is the winner so far with THREE! We met in my senior year of college (2008-2009) at Arizona State University. Her husband (fiancé at the time) decided to join the Navy and I married my Marine that fall. Eventually allowing us to live near each other both in Maryland and Hawaii. Crazy, right? She and I have very similar views on clutter and what gets to stay in our homes. Maybe in the future I'll do a post on how I organized little man's toys and books, but for today - I'm excited for you to read all about Taylor's toy storage solutions for her adorable little girl!

How do you handle the toy clutter?
Share your solutions with us in the comments!
-Tay

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My job as a regional rep for CeCe Caldwell’s Paints takes me around the Northwest and I’m often at my room in Lighthouse Antique Mall but I do most of my marketing work, order fulfillment and DearOlympia.com shipping from home.  My new Enchanted Northwest Soy Candle Line line demands more storage space and space is at a premium.  I refuse to take out a storage locker or cram my garage with unused stuff.  

Quick tangent: after we moved out of our military base housing in Hawaii (read: they decided to go ahead and demolish our house 3 months ahead of schedule), I promised myself that business stuff would no longer take over our living spaces.

 

In Hawaii, we literally had cases of paint lining our bedroom walls.  It’s mentally stressful to me to try to work in an abundance of clutter.  Cramming stuff in and out of shelves makes me irritable because when I have time to work alone, I want to max out that time on work and not on fighting pans and containers and shoving my daughter’s toys in every nook and cranny!

We recently purchased a foreclosure in WA and renovated it.  I didn’t want a huge house, just a livable one.  My philosophy is that you let the house size dictate your stuff, you don’t let your stuff dictate your house size.  

When we finally started to move stuff back into the house, I was like the “none shall pass” character from Monty Python.  Unless I needed to use it in the next two weeks, it didn’t come in!  We donated it or took it to the dump.  That was working well but as all parents know, Christmas can throw you. 

Adair was blessed to receive many gifts but the gifts had nowhere to go.  I decided to use an industrial shelf I already had for her toys downstairs.  I further decided that she would get rid of any toys that we couldn’t nicely fit on that shelving unit or in the tubs beside them.  She does have some shelves in her room for books and her tricycle and slide live outside.

I purchased some fabric and metal storage containers (under $75) from Target and got to work.  Craft supplies went in one container, legos in another, little figurines in another, etc.  When I was done she had some infant type toys that were large and bulky (you know the kind) that didn’t fit on the shelves.  We donated them to Salvation Army and now another child can enjoy them.  

One toy in, another toy out.  That is my policy.  I have had zero regrets so far. Adair is allowed to play with one container at a time which is good because her attention span is so short anyway.  Then we put it back in the container and put it back on the shelf.  I am hoping this puts her on a path of enjoying her stuff but not letting her stuff dictate her happiness or emotional state.

This is a key to my semi-sanity in working from home. The less to put away, the quicker I can put things back in cabinets, wipe down the counter and vacuum the floor. The fewer items we have, the easier it is for my husband and I to tag-team picking up the house because we both know where everything is and where everything goes.

My house is never as clean as I want it and I’m 100% okay with that.  It’s pretty much clutter free, though, not because of my organization skills but my ability to let go of items instead of constantly fretting over where and how to store things.  

~Taylor
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Strong Women.

The saying "you know what you were getting yourself into" sure gets old after awhile...

I have a good friend who's husband is currently away for training prior to a 6mo deployment. They went through a combat deployment while they were dating but this will be their first while married. Time and distance are one thing before marriage, but once you get used to living, sleeping, eating, and sharing everything with your spouse... the prospect of that not happening daily is downright overwhelming. I completely understand what she's going through, and she knows I am there for her (despite the distance, I wish so badly we were still living in the same place) but unfortunately the women she has encountered at her new duty station haven't been so, um, understanding... to put it nicely.

They compare.
They one-up.
They tell her to deal with it.
They really need to stop.

Everyone is always saying that we aren't treated equally by men ...but how can we expect that when we don't event treat each other equally? For me life isn't some huge competition to see who comes out on top, its about the connections we make, the people we love, and the life we share together.

Dating Friends.

Making new friends is like dating without having to worry about physical intimacy...

• You still have that awkward first encounter.
• You have to be brave enough to say "hello."
• Once names have been established you need to decide what your first outing (aka "date") will be. Coffee, dinner, game night?
• You get butterflies before said event. 
• Your mind goes through the mental checklist- am I wearing an appropriate outfit for the situation, is my side dish/dessert/etc going to be good, will we have anything to talk about?
• After said event mentally you go through all the "stupid" stuff you said or did wishing you could change it/take it back.
• If you liked the person/people you anxiously wait for a text/call.
• When the text/call comes to invite you to another event you physically feel relieved. If it doesn't... Well that's what dark chocolate & Netflix are for, right? And if you didn't like them you've got to figure out a way to "break-up."

 

Add in husbands & children and it's like a group date mixing junior high and college- men congregating, girl talk, screaming, things being flung across the room, beer & wine (+more after your child spills chicken all over your potential friend's carpet).

And people think you stop having first dates once you get married. Hah!

The Friendship Waiting Game.

Sometimes I really dislike being "the new kid on the block." No, I didn't go back to school, but I did just move 4,900mi over the Pacific and entire U.S. Continent. In 6yrs this is my 5th state... 2009 was the craziest - living in California for 5mo, Arizona for 5mo, and ending up in Maryland for the last 2. We moved from Maryland to Hawaii in spring of 2011, and just arrived here in Virginia about 7wks ago.

My house still needs some things put up on the walls, but the majority of "moving in" is done. I will forever tweak things, make small changes, re-arrange, and by the time it's "just right" it will be time to move again. But that's a whole different story...

Today I want to write about loneliness. We have been in this house for a little over 1mo. I have met a couple of the neighbors but they are all older than us and I don't really see them being "buddies" with a younger couple and their 9mo old baby. My husband works odd hours (ranging from 8-14hr days) Mon-Fri with the occasional weekend shift. I do work from home (surprise!) but it's all online marketing items done mainly by e-mail and/or social media, if the phone is involved it generally isn't a good thing. 

Which means... My main source of conversation is my son. Who only knows how to say "mama" "dada" "baba" and a bunch of gibberish that I can't translate. Of course I can call my family anytime, they love hearing from me and face-timing with their grandson/nephew, but that's not the same. They aren't here. They can't go see a movie with me, grab lunch, attend a workout class, etc. 

I am married to a wonderful man and we eat dinner together and usually take the baby on an evening walk while we talk. But he needs time to decompress after work even though some days all I want to do is plop the baby in his lap and drive to the grocery store or Target with no shopping list, just to aimlessly wander.

My son amazes me everyday with his new discoveries and likes. Earlier this afternoon he pulled all the books out of his toy bin and was "reading" them instead of playing with all the shiny-loud-plastic things. It was adorable.

As I mentioned before, my family is truly only a phone call away, I love it. 

BUT I crave face-to-face time, I want to know that someone I trust will take care of my son while my husband and I go on a much needed date (what are those?), I want a friend or two (really I'm not asking for a lot) that knows my likes-dislikes-fears-beliefs-etc and wants to be around me, and I them. 

I miss our "Hawaii Ohana" every day. We have a few friends we really clicked with in our short time from Maryland - but Hawaii brought us an extremely tight-knit group. To the point that if you were broken down on the other side of the island it would only take one text or call to have someone there to help! When a husband was deployed, the other husbands did car, yard, and maintenance work for the wife left behind. If you had a rough day, you could walk down the road and sit on your friend's couch while she chose a chick-flick, threw a bag of popcorn in the microwave, and poured you a glass of wine. We didn't knock if they knew we were coming, we walked in as if we belonged. We knew our way around each others kitchens and rotated dinner nights. We went on outings and vacations together. We celebrated holidays and big life events together. We had children together. We did life together. We weren't family by blood, but by choice.

I want that here. I need it. I am sick of being lonely. 

Here it's a bit different... We don't live on base. We don't have a family readiness group. The unit is so small and specialized some people don't even know they exist. 

So military items aside - Our neighborhood doesn't have a community center. I was amazed at how expensive the YMCA memberships are. MyGym/Gymboree for kids is WAY more expensive than a gym membership would be for myself. And we have tried so many churches but none of them have "felt like home." Some people don't understand that, but it's how we know it's the right place for us. Especially since those tight-knit people I was talking about from Hawaii... 75% of them we met through our church.

I am still getting used to my surroundings and the roads. But I am hoping to try out a free mommy & me class at the gym. Maybe do a story time event at a library (although my guy is still kind of little to understand). I'm trying to find a local MOPS group to join. I would love to take a class at Michael's or even the community college just for fun, but it would have to be evening/weekend and my husband isn't always guaranteed to be home. And before you say "hire a sitter" we refuse to let anyone watch our baby that we don't know personally, too many crazies out there. That's just the way it is for us.

I know friends will happen. They did in California, Maryland, and Hawaii... It's just a waiting game and I'm getting impatient.

Have you moved recently? Do you move often? What are your tips for making good quality friendships in a new completely unfamiliar place?
-Tay