Comparison is the Thief of Joy

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Sometimes it’s hard looking in the mirror because this is what I see...

• Tired
• Unproductive member of society
• 30-something stay at home mom
• Bachelor's Degree that I've never used

I am the only person in my family who doesn’t work. I stand next to my husband who daily sacrifices so much for our country. My dad retired after 20yrs+ of serving others as a fire fighter. My mom was an entrepreneur way before that was the “cool” thing to do. Both grandfather’s are military veterans and work(ed) hard every day of their lives. Both grandmother’s fiercely devoted to family and helping others. My sister graduated college in 3yrs and finished her masters in under 2yrs all while teaching and coaching. Her husband is very devoted to his field of work because of the positive impact it makes on those who need it. My SIL works night shift and alternates child responsibilities with her police officer husband. My BIL travels all over the Midwest and east coast making a name for himself within his job field. My in-laws are extremely hard workers as well.

Then there’s me. I’m a stay at home mom. And while I do love that I get to see my babies grow, change, and develop new skills. I seriously just feel like I’m a hamster in a wheel most days- running and not going anywhere. I don’t have a set “learning” time or teaching plan for my oldest, and when I need 30min I’m not above turning the TV on for him. I haven’t made a meal plan in years and even when I did it was hard-pressed that I actually stuck to it. I don’t make everything from scratch. My laundry is a never ending process. My house is clean by many’s standards but I feel like it’s always dirty and it drives me nuts. 

Deep in my gut I know I am called to do more. Everyone says to do what you’re passionate about, but that’s always been my problem. I’m passionate about many things- family, friends, photography, remembering birthdays/anniversaries, documenting our life in a yearly photo book, trying new crafts, exploring new places. But really? How do any of those turn into a profession?

So there you have it...

I’m a 30-something mother of two, married to a US Marine, within a family of passionate workers, but utterly lost in my pursuit of purpose.

Tiny Toes.

I pray that these tiny toes will go many places during my daughter’s life. Whether that be exploring different countries, leading children across school grounds, walking through the halls of __________.

Obviously I have no idea what her future holds, but I can control the present. I can help guide her (and my son’s) feet by being the best mom I possibly can. 

I strive to teach my children love, respect, discipline, humility, cooperation, and to instill the fact that asking for help is okay, that we can voice our opinions (but to realize they won’t always be accepted and furthermore they won’t always be correct), and that relationships are far more important than things.

I don’t have it all together.

I yell too much. Timeouts happen.

But so do “I’m sorry & I love you.”

This is real life. And I’m just trekking on...

Post Holiday Slump.

When you fall asleep at 8pm... before your 2yr old... you know that it was an amazing holiday weekend spent with dear friends who at this point are basically family, especially when said toddler calls them uncle and auntie.

Unfortunately, it's 1am and I am now wide awake while hubby and toddler are sleeping peacefully. After traveling and spending time with people I love I always seem to get into a "slump," and right now I can't shake the thought that I should be doing so much more with my life - I just wish I knew what that was.

I am a Christian, daughter, grand daughter, sister, wife, daughter-in-law,  "auntie," mother, friend, university graduate, yet I still feel that longing for "a place to belong." I have always wanted to work somewhere that allowed me to impact others lives positively, I just don't know how or in what capacity that is at the moment...