Comparison is the Thief of Joy

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Sometimes it’s hard looking in the mirror because this is what I see...

• Tired
• Unproductive member of society
• 30-something stay at home mom
• Bachelor's Degree that I've never used

I am the only person in my family who doesn’t work. I stand next to my husband who daily sacrifices so much for our country. My dad retired after 20yrs+ of serving others as a fire fighter. My mom was an entrepreneur way before that was the “cool” thing to do. Both grandfather’s are military veterans and work(ed) hard every day of their lives. Both grandmother’s fiercely devoted to family and helping others. My sister graduated college in 3yrs and finished her masters in under 2yrs all while teaching and coaching. Her husband is very devoted to his field of work because of the positive impact it makes on those who need it. My SIL works night shift and alternates child responsibilities with her police officer husband. My BIL travels all over the Midwest and east coast making a name for himself within his job field. My in-laws are extremely hard workers as well.

Then there’s me. I’m a stay at home mom. And while I do love that I get to see my babies grow, change, and develop new skills. I seriously just feel like I’m a hamster in a wheel most days- running and not going anywhere. I don’t have a set “learning” time or teaching plan for my oldest, and when I need 30min I’m not above turning the TV on for him. I haven’t made a meal plan in years and even when I did it was hard-pressed that I actually stuck to it. I don’t make everything from scratch. My laundry is a never ending process. My house is clean by many’s standards but I feel like it’s always dirty and it drives me nuts. 

Deep in my gut I know I am called to do more. Everyone says to do what you’re passionate about, but that’s always been my problem. I’m passionate about many things- family, friends, photography, remembering birthdays/anniversaries, documenting our life in a yearly photo book, trying new crafts, exploring new places. But really? How do any of those turn into a profession?

So there you have it...

I’m a 30-something mother of two, married to a US Marine, within a family of passionate workers, but utterly lost in my pursuit of purpose.

Anxious Mommy Heart.

No one tells you how truly stressful parenting can be... 

You try to balance between discipline and teaching respect. You make sure he knows his ABCs, 123s, colors, shapes, etc. You read to him to encourage the love/habit. You have him unload the silverware from the dishwasher and help sort laundry to foster teamwork. You socialize with other parents who have kids his age to encourage friendship. You struggle with potty training, but push on. You make time for one-one-one outings to remind him he was your first baby. You love him unconditionally even on the days you want to pull your hair and hide in the closet.

And then he gets sick. His small pitiful 3yr old voice crying for “Mommy” breaks your heart. You want to cuddle with him and make it all better but the baby is screaming and now you’re terrified of her getting sick too. The nurse hotline gave great advice, but it didn’t quench my anxious mommy heart. This has been the scariest flu season I can remember in my 30yrs+ on earth... my husband had a co-worker die from it this week! That’s way too close to home. Way too close to my kids. Way too stressful for my anxiety-riddled mind to even comprehend right now... it’s 10:41pm and my alarm is going to go off in exactly 19min for me to check my son’s temperature for no less than the 10th time since this afternoon. If I wasn’t 3mo post partum and nursing the baby I would give anything for me to be the one sick and not him... but I cannot fathom being sick, nursing, and taking care of both of them as well. I know it’s possible. If it happens I will power through. But man. Parenting is hard. Body, soul, and mind.

Praying and clinging to these words tonight: 

“Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.”

Romans 12:12 GNT

Tiny Toes.

I pray that these tiny toes will go many places during my daughter’s life. Whether that be exploring different countries, leading children across school grounds, walking through the halls of __________.

Obviously I have no idea what her future holds, but I can control the present. I can help guide her (and my son’s) feet by being the best mom I possibly can. 

I strive to teach my children love, respect, discipline, humility, cooperation, and to instill the fact that asking for help is okay, that we can voice our opinions (but to realize they won’t always be accepted and furthermore they won’t always be correct), and that relationships are far more important than things.

I don’t have it all together.

I yell too much. Timeouts happen.

But so do “I’m sorry & I love you.”

This is real life. And I’m just trekking on...

A Fellow Mom.

Today as I was filling out forms at the doctor’s office I glanced up to see this young mother juggling her baby while trying to get formula powder into the bottle (I wish I had noticed earlier - I would have offered to help). The baby kicked, formula went all over her lap, and you could just see the tears well up in her eyes as she put the screaming baby back into the car seat so she could try again. 

I finished my forms and ripped out a notes page from my day planner (yeah, I still use one of those). I quickly wrote down this quote:

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day!” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I also added:

“Keep your head up momma, you’re doing a good job, we’ve all been there. Just try to enjoy that baby. God bless.” - A fellow Mom

I slipped it to her with my heart racing as I was called back to see the doctor. I’m not one to do these kinds of things normally, it makes me super anxious (just ask the nurse who took my vitals - oops my blood pressure was a tad high) but I’ve been reading Lisa Tykuerts’ “The Best Yes” and she takes about God appointments, and I don’t want to miss anymore opportunities to brighten someone’s day.

I Just Love Weekends.

I got a kid-free trip to Target (all the moms sigh in unison or jump for joy)! Best of all... 70% off Christmas clearance. I snagged wrapping paper & gift tags to be stored for next year, a few kids magic color books that we stash in our car doors for road trip meltdowns, and some generic stocking stuffer items to throw in my gift closet for those “oops, it’s ______’s birthday!” Then I saw the mugs, I don’t need anymore to be truthful, the ones I do have are from places we’ve eaten at and loved (Carlos’ Bakery, Cinnamon’s, etc.) or our previous churches (Severn Run, Anchor - just incase you’re looking). But this one caught my eye, and the total cost $1.49...

My initial thought was “I just love weekends because my husband is home, we get to spend quality time together, he gets more time with the kids, we explore the surrounding areas, sometimes go on day trips, and get spiritually filled at church.” So, I bought it.

Then, this morning as I filled up my new mug with hot water and threw in the tea bag, I thought “what if people took it as I just love weekends?” Because I don’t. I try to find joy in each day of the week, Monday through Sunday. Are weekdays sometimes rough? Yes, I am currently a stay at home mom with a 3yr old in the throes of potty training (oh, hey poop on the floor) and a 2mo old baby that demands to be held almost constantly. My husband works anywhere from 5am-7pm (give or take, military life y’all!) so often by the time he gets home all I want to do is hand him the baby, turn a cartoon on for the toddler, and check out for 30min. 

All that to say- I don’t just live for the weekend. I don’t just live for summer. I don’t just live for an upcoming vacation. I hope you see where I’m going with this. One of my mugs also says “Begin and end each day with an expression of joy.” Mug wisdom. If it’s not a thing- I’m declaring it one now. Each and every day we have a choice, will we be joyful or let the bad from the day drag us down?

On the eve of 2018... I'm declaring that joy will be something that I try to find daily!

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.”

Proverbs 17:22 NLT

10mo Post-Pregnancy.

My muscles are coming back! 
This is a big deal.

So many people have looked at me after giving birth and said things along the lines of -
"Did you really just have a kid?"
"Look how thin you are!"
"You are so lucky."
"You need to gain some weight..."
"Are you dieting? You should probably eat more." 
"You're looking kind of ill."
"Well, at least you aren't fat."
 

Here's the truth in numbers, not that it's any of your business but I'm all for honesty...  I gained 23 pounds during my pregnancy, currently I am 8 pounds under my pre-pregnacy weight.

I had a very long and drawn out labor, maybe I'll share it sometime, that ultimately resulted in a c-section and basically being on bed rest for 8wks. During my labor I separated my ab muscles (diastasis recti) and couldn't do any traditional abdominal workouts (think sit-ups/planks) or strenuous ab activity otherwise I risked increasing the separation rather than healing it. About 10wks after delivery I did my first post-natal workout DVD. I slowly started adding walks that turned into jogs pushing the baby. I did yoga positions that stretched and strengthened without putting too much pressure on my abs. But it wasn't until little man hit 7mo that my abs were finally back where they needed to be for me to push myself. I am currently doing Les Mills Combat and loving it, I feel stronger and more energized. My body is getting its muscle tone back and while I still haven't gained much weight I know it'll come. I think I will have to worry about it when he stops nursing, my mom & husband joke that he "literally sucks the fat out of me" since he's such a chunk! My shirts fit normally as do my dresses. My shorts, pants, and skirts are a whole different story. But not the "normal" issue- they are all too big! My butt is gone, I (insert pride) had a pretty nice butt from working out and now it's just flat and non-existent. I honestly don't know where it went or when it truly left (it was huge during pregnancy!). I'm guessing sometime in those 8wks of being fairly sedentary. So I need to get it back so my stupid clothes stop falling off me...

I write all of this to say:
1) Whether you are thin, average, or "bigger" post-pregnancy someone will always have something to say about it - brush it off!
2) As hard as it will be, you have to give your body time to heal... 40(ish) weeks in, 40(ish) weeks out. I'm JUST now feeling like I'm back in my routine.
3) There's no magical solution or pill - it takes work.
4) Your clothes will fit again, or if you desire, your new clothes will fit even better!


What is the weirdest thing someone said to you after having kids?
-Tay

Babies & Birthdays.

Little man is two months away from his first birthday and the questions have started rolling in...

1. What kind of party is he having?
2. What does he want?

First regarding the party - when did it become necessary to have such a huge event for a one year old. May I remind  you they won't remember it. They don't need a huge banner, fancy DIY party favors, a custom order cake, or fancy catered food. They are one. One. (I'm not sure anyone NEEDS those things to begin with). Why should I spend that much money? I will take pictures, he will know he was celebrated and loved.

Yes, I want my son's birthday to be cute. I'll probably even have a small banner, I plan on doing some DIY items, but I'm making the cake myself and what is so wrong with simple balloons and streamers these days? I swear moms put so much pressure on themselves these days to "have it all together" and make "pinterest worthy" items ...I just don't have time for that!

This is what you get when you search "1st birthday party ideas!"

Second, my baby doesn't want anything other than love, attention, food, and a place to sleep... probably a changed diaper every now and then. So what you're really asking is "what can I buy him?" But my answer isn't fun, it's not what people want to hear, it's practical. My sons NEEDS (money towards) the next size up car seat and winter clothing (um hello, he was born in Hawaii and lives in a diaper most days). Neither of those things are shiny or make noise, but I can say that I'd much rather have my son safely secured in our vehicle and dressed adequately for cold weather than the fleeting moment of happiness that comes with a new toy.

So, if you don't want to hear my answer that's fine, just include a gift receipt, haha!

What are your thoughts on baby birthdays?

-Tay

World Breastfeeding Week.

Well, it's world breastfeeding week... I have EBF my son since day one, I pumped for back-up supply & so daddy could be part of the feedings once or twice a day, and we didn't even introduce solids until he was already past 6mo old.

First latch, swollen and puffy in the recovery room after my c-section.

Breastfeeding isn't "easy," it is physically and emotionally demanding even for someone who hasn't had any latch, supply, or duct issues. The first month Lanolin was my best friend and I had one tiny milk blister that a hot compress and my pump got out. Other than that... Smooth sailing for little guy and I.

Like I said though... It's physically & emotionally demanding! Why? Your baby relies on you 24/7 for everything. I honestly don't remember much from the first 2wks other than we camped on the couch during the day and I walked across the hall to his room to log miles in the glider all night long. Feedings were every 1-2hrs, but cluster feeds - oh man - those could be every 30-45min at night! Some days I couldn't remember if I had showered. Luckily I was hungry all the time so not eating or staying hydrated wasn't an issue for me.

Going places. Hmmm... All I have to say is make sure the back seat of your car is comfortable while breastfeeding! Lots of times even if I fed right before we left the house, I would have to feed him again when we arrived at our destination. In the beginning my husband wanted to bring bottles if we went out, eventually he realized it truly was easier just to give straight from the source. I think it just took him some time getting used to being comfortable with me feeding in public.

I have only pumped twice since he turned 6mo old, I really should build a stock back up, but I truly hate that thing. My insurance didn't cover a pump (it does now, so next baby I'm totally getting a nice hospital one!) so we got one of the Medela's which is nice and works but honestly the baby is so much more efficient and I hate sitting there "milking" myself! HUGE PROPS to all you career mommies that pump all day at work! That takes dedication for sure!

I NEVER wanted to breastfeed, I always said "my sister and I were formula fed and we both turned out just fine," seriously ask anyone who knows me well. Once I got pregnant and started taking classes I weighed pros/cons, and decided I would try it out in the hospital to see how it went... I ended up sticking with it but I have plenty of friends who's milk supply wasn't enough and had to supplement, those whose supply never came in, and those who straight up said "nope, formula it is!" All of which are perfectly fine in my book. If your baby is healthy, you're doing it right.

Yesterday, 9.5mo old (his arm is about to smack me in the face!)

A lot of people choose to breast feed because it's free. And while this is true in the monetary sense there are still "costs." It takes a lot of time, a lot of will, and being okay with giving of yourself completely. I mean my entire wardrobe has changed, while I still go for cute/comfortable most of the time I don't buy it if I can't figure out a way to breastfeed in it. That's kind of limiting. And time is a huge one, early on some days I felt like all I'd done was sit on my butt while my baby ate/slept then wanted to do it again... and again... (I feel the same now with growth spurts and teething days/nights).

Now it's more of a bonding time... Despite occasionally getting slapped, scratched, or kicked (he's a big guy now at 21lbs) I like knowing he needs me and that my body is still giving him nutrients that he needs!

Do you breastfeed? If so, any crazy stories? 

-Tay