How did I get here? Where am I going?

My 10yr high school reunion is coming up, along with my baby sister's wedding, and my son's first birthday... Recently when I lie (lay?) awake at night mind racing, my thoughts keep coming back too...

• How did I end up here?
• How do I have a bachelor's degree that I've never used?
• How have I been out of high school for 10yrs and college for 6yrs?
• How has the longest job I've held only been 4yrs and part-time at that?
• How will I be 29 in nearly a month?
• How did I manage to be primarily a WAHW and now a WAHM?
• How do other military spouses transfer successful careers?
• How do moms choose career or kids? Or both? How do they juggle the time?

Then I hear the rustling of my son on the baby monitor, slowly turning into whimpers, and then cries. Cries for me.

I carried him inside me for 38wks. I went through some crazy ups & downs during the pregnancy. He decided to come 2wks early. My labor was at 25hrs when they discovered my body physically couldn't open for him to exit and 26hrs by the time they wheeled me into the OR. For the first 2mo of his life he nursed every 45min to 2hrs, 24hrs a day. I have watched him triple his birth weight, reach milestones, explore the world around him, continually growing right in front of my eyes.

So as I walk into his room and see him standing along the railing with little tears rolling down his cheeks, arms up waiting for me... I know this, for now, is exactly where I am suppose to be. We nurse & rock in the glider until he starts rubbing his sleepy eyes, then I transfer him back into his crib where, on a good night, he slips back into dreamland and I tip-toe out of his room avoiding the creaky floorboard by his door. I take one last glance of his sweet little face illuminated by the nightlight and quietly close the door, head back to my bed and slip under the sheets.

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.”

‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

After being unemployed for the first 10mo of our marriage I took a crazy job with weird hours working for a school and sports portrait company that had me travel all over the state of Maryland. It worked because my husband had crazy hours as well. Once we moved to Hawaii I started my current job about 6mo after we arrived. I loved the part time flexibility because it allowed me ample time to explore the island and volunteer for things I was passionate about. Since I no longer reside in Hawaii I am wrapping up loose ends and training my replacement via online and phone sessions. I am about to become unemployed once again. But now... I am a mommy. I have a little one to invest in. I think I'll be okay. I just have to remember that we can be smart with our finances and God has something big in store for me even if I'm feeling like my dreams are a little small at the moment.

This face helps, even on the days I feel like I'm losing my mind!

What do you do when you start to question your life?

-Tay