Military Marriage

I get asked the weirdest things sometimes regarding my marriage... a recent one was “knowing what you do now about the military lifestyle would you still have have chosen to marry your husband?”

After my initial blank stare and thinking “wait, for real?” in my head... yes, unequivocally yes. First, I fell in love with him, not his job. Second, I met him after he had already joined the military, this was already his chosen career path so that was present right from the start. I know what you’re thinking though- “what about the separations, the deployments, the trainings, the constant moves, the lack of a career for you, everything you’ve given up?” Well let me address those...

Being separated from the one you love regardless of a TDY, training exercise, or deployment teaches you a lot about yourself. You figure out what you can handle on your own, you set a schedule that works for you, you dig into the community and find a tribe like no other, you get it done. It also makes you appreciate your time with your spouse that much more. Do we argue, get on each other’s nerves, push each others buttons, go through periods of not liking one another. Yes, yes, yes a hundred times yes. But love. Always. Even amongst the fights and tears.

As far as my lack of career and sacrifices that I’ve made, well yes, it’s interesting and frustrating all at the same time. I gave up a job opportunity with Norwegian Cruise Lines to marry my husband and move 2,300mi away from everything and everyone I knew. I have a degree in Recreation and Tourism Management,  that has never been used for the intended purpose. I easily could have, especially during our time in Hawaii, however nights and weekends are the main work hours in this field (besides school programs which I hope to get into someday) and if I chose that then I would never see my husband (and now children), which wasn’t worth it to me. Plus, throw in the cost of childcare and not seeing my babies hit milestones, you get where I’m going with this. That is not to say I haven’t worked! In Maryland I worked for a school and sports portrait company. In Hawaii I ran my own photography business and was hired by a team of realtors to handle their social media and marketing- which I actually still do today remotely from Virginia! 

As far as moving every 2-4yrs. Yes it’s hard. I can’t sugar coat that. However, I never would have been able to afford a place in Hawaii with the ocean less than an 1/8th of a mile from my front door. I never would have chosen to live in Maryland or Virgina but both places have offered amazing road trip experiences and friendships. Speaking of friendships... I’m not one of those people with a best friend who I grew up with, my closest, most understanding, and real friendships have come from meeting and diving into relationships with people in each place I’ve lived.

This life, as I assume with any lifestyle/marriage, is a give and take. Do I feel like I give more somedays? Definitely. However my husband’s mind and body is pushed to the limit daily and he loves his job so there’s nothing I would want to say to take that away from him. People seem to think marriage is 50/50... but that’s just inadequate. You can’t devote half yourself to something so important. Marriage is 100/100... you devote everything you have so when your spouse drops to 50% your love carries them through, and vice versus. It’s not a game to see who does more. There isn’t a winner or loser within a team. 

#RedforEd #InvestInAZ

The silence is killing me.
My silence that is...
The general population has gone cuckoo once again.

"Teachers are greedy, selfish, self-centered, etc." 
I even saw a few people calling them thugs! Thugs. 
Really? 

thug

THəɡ/

noun

plural noun: thugs

1.

a violent person, especially a criminal.

synonyms:

ruffian, hooligan, vandal, hoodlum, gangster, villain, criminal;

 
I'll tell you what- my sister is a middle school teacher. She goes in long before the kids show up, she stays long after they leave, she coaches three different sports, she doesn't "have summers off" because she is taking Personal Development Classes (that she has to pay for, yet are required of her), attending STEM conferences, teaching summer school, and working on her upcoming lesson plans. And, excuse me, but even if she were making "the average $48k" per year, all of you saying that they get the summers "off" means that in the course of a year she is making $4,000 per month BEFORE taxes are taken out and BEFORE health & dental insurance is taken out.

She is not part of the Teacher's Union. She doesn't want to walk out on her students. In fact, she and a majority of teachers have worked with their district governing board to partner with the local community recreation centers. So, she may be walking out of the classroom... but it will be across the street to the community center to be with her students whose parents cannot afford to keep them home from school. Sure sounds selfish to me.

She doesn't care about claiming a political party nor blaming one over the other. I completely agree with her, this should be a human issue, not a political issue. Private schooling cannot be the answer if we want Arizona (and the country for that matter) to be able to compete with the world in regards to educational standards. Every child should have access to a decent education. Many students are using books that were published decades before they were even born, some classrooms don't have enough chairs/desks and the ones they do have are rickety. Educational supplies aside, when your child has to use the bathroom at school - don't you want it to be clean and stocked with toilet paper and hand soap? The janitorial staff is just as underfunded (falling under the education budget), so in addition to teaching your children all day long your child's teacher may be staying late to help clean bathroom counters and scrub toilets. Some even purchase soap and hand sanitizer for their students to use. That's in their job description, right?

What I really can't understand are the people clamoring about the teachers walking out “setting a bad example for their children,” when just a month ago the vast majority were praising all the high school students for doing exactly the same thing. Is it wrong for me to believe that an educator with a 4-6yrs+ degree and ___# of years in their profession should be trusted on the issue of education more than a 15-17yr old kid yelling about gun control (when they legally cannot purchase a weapon) or, you know maybe they just walked out to skip class?

A pay raise - the threat of the teacher walk-out is not actually about that, if it were this wouldn't be happening. Teachers would have just taken the 20% promised and continued on with their jobs, but they don't want it to be taken away from public safety, etc like so many news reports and online posts I've seen have been stating. Arizona educators want to know specifically where the funding is coming from, they want to know it will actually be used for said purposes, and they would like to know where the money that was devoted to education went when Governor Ducey took office.

The utter vile, hatred, and shameful things coming out of people's mouths directed towards teachers shocks me. If you are so worried about your children, I think you need to take a step back and think about the words you have said or typed. Are you being a good example for your child? Maybe you need to remember that in addition to your son or daughter, their teacher also has 22-29 more kids of the exact same age in their classroom. Their teacher knows each of their names, learning issues they may have that need special attention, food allergies, and often much more than that (home situations, foster care, etc). I for one get burned out with my TWO children... I can't imagine having THIRTY others with individual personalities, hormones, attitudes, etc. that I invest my time and heart into only to have their parents basically drag my reputation through the mud.

Please think before you speak.
Do your research.
Stop the hatred.

[Click to view images larger]

I firmly believe that people in our country have forgotten how to be decent human beings. Face to face conversations discussing topics without screaming, yelling, and belittling others are becoming a rarity. The vast majority of people claim to be “anti-bullying,” but bring up a subject and suddenly that goes out the window. The worst are the keyboard warriors (trust me, I realize the irony as this is posted on my blog) who sit behind computer screens and type hate-filled responses completely forgetting that there is a HUMAN BEING on the other side. A living, breathing, blood-pumping, loving person whom you are shredding with your words... Listen, I get it! No one likes being wrong. No one enjoys accepting defeat.

Teachers are people.
They take care of your kids while you work.
Don’t have kids? Who taught you?
Even if I didn't have children or a sibling/relative who was a teacher, I would still be on their side. I don't want the future leaders of our country to be uneducated or vastly behind on the world stage.
 
Please- Contact the governor, senators, representatives with viable options for funding the education system. I have and I will continue to. At the very least, stop tearing others down.
 

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Sometimes it’s hard looking in the mirror because this is what I see...

• Tired
• Unproductive member of society
• 30-something stay at home mom
• Bachelor's Degree that I've never used

I am the only person in my family who doesn’t work. I stand next to my husband who daily sacrifices so much for our country. My dad retired after 20yrs+ of serving others as a fire fighter. My mom was an entrepreneur way before that was the “cool” thing to do. Both grandfather’s are military veterans and work(ed) hard every day of their lives. Both grandmother’s fiercely devoted to family and helping others. My sister graduated college in 3yrs and finished her masters in under 2yrs all while teaching and coaching. Her husband is very devoted to his field of work because of the positive impact it makes on those who need it. My SIL works night shift and alternates child responsibilities with her police officer husband. My BIL travels all over the Midwest and east coast making a name for himself within his job field. My in-laws are extremely hard workers as well.

Then there’s me. I’m a stay at home mom. And while I do love that I get to see my babies grow, change, and develop new skills. I seriously just feel like I’m a hamster in a wheel most days- running and not going anywhere. I don’t have a set “learning” time or teaching plan for my oldest, and when I need 30min I’m not above turning the TV on for him. I haven’t made a meal plan in years and even when I did it was hard-pressed that I actually stuck to it. I don’t make everything from scratch. My laundry is a never ending process. My house is clean by many’s standards but I feel like it’s always dirty and it drives me nuts. 

Deep in my gut I know I am called to do more. Everyone says to do what you’re passionate about, but that’s always been my problem. I’m passionate about many things- family, friends, photography, remembering birthdays/anniversaries, documenting our life in a yearly photo book, trying new crafts, exploring new places. But really? How do any of those turn into a profession?

So there you have it...

I’m a 30-something mother of two, married to a US Marine, within a family of passionate workers, but utterly lost in my pursuit of purpose.

Anxious Mommy Heart.

No one tells you how truly stressful parenting can be... 

You try to balance between discipline and teaching respect. You make sure he knows his ABCs, 123s, colors, shapes, etc. You read to him to encourage the love/habit. You have him unload the silverware from the dishwasher and help sort laundry to foster teamwork. You socialize with other parents who have kids his age to encourage friendship. You struggle with potty training, but push on. You make time for one-one-one outings to remind him he was your first baby. You love him unconditionally even on the days you want to pull your hair and hide in the closet.

And then he gets sick. His small pitiful 3yr old voice crying for “Mommy” breaks your heart. You want to cuddle with him and make it all better but the baby is screaming and now you’re terrified of her getting sick too. The nurse hotline gave great advice, but it didn’t quench my anxious mommy heart. This has been the scariest flu season I can remember in my 30yrs+ on earth... my husband had a co-worker die from it this week! That’s way too close to home. Way too close to my kids. Way too stressful for my anxiety-riddled mind to even comprehend right now... it’s 10:41pm and my alarm is going to go off in exactly 19min for me to check my son’s temperature for no less than the 10th time since this afternoon. If I wasn’t 3mo post partum and nursing the baby I would give anything for me to be the one sick and not him... but I cannot fathom being sick, nursing, and taking care of both of them as well. I know it’s possible. If it happens I will power through. But man. Parenting is hard. Body, soul, and mind.

Praying and clinging to these words tonight: 

“Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.”

Romans 12:12 GNT

The Innocence of Children

The innocence of children always gives me hope that the future of our neighborhoods, cities, states, and country will be more harmonious than the current state of affairs. Today was beautiful, complete with sunshine and 65* weather. My husband had a homework assignment due so he stayed home with the baby while my 3yr old and I walked down to our neighborhood park. For quite awhile my son had the playground to himself, then an adorable Indian girl showed up and took my son “under her wing,” shortly after there were two beautiful black sisters, and gorgeous Hispanic siblings. Once the soccer games wrapped up across the street the playground just exploded with children. All of them giggling, running, helping each other up the rock wall, and ending up in dog-piles at the bottom of the slides.

I only heard one comment regarding differences and that was when the Indian girl’s mother yelled at her (I’m assuming it was along the lines of “be careful” since she was hanging off the side of the bridge) from across the playground. Another girl said “you speak English well, do you speak Indian too?” I didn’t hear the end of that conversation, but about 5min later the two girls were skipping arm in arm across the field.

Asian, Hispanic, Indian, Black, and White... all playing together in harmony. I love the diversity of our neighborhood and that the parents are obviously teaching these kiddos that the color of a person’s skin has no bearing on friendship, etc. 

When it was time to leave the park my little boy looked up at me with a huge smile on his face and said: “Mommy, I had fun with all my new friends!” 

That said, he is starting to recognize visual differences. He’s getting really good recognizing his colors now and earlier this week he pointed to my arm and said “what color is that?” I replied “skin color,” he did the same for his daddy and sister’s arms... my answer was always the same “skin color.” But, he knows mommy and daddy are different colors... he corrected me and said mine was white and daddy’s arm was brown. Smarty pants! I don’t think for him it has to do with anything other than the fact he likes to speak out the colors of everything- “Mommy what color is the sky?” You tell me buddy,” “Okay Mom, it’s blue!” And the conversation continues... grass, street, trees, flowers, cars. I love that he’s becoming aware of the beauty God has surrounded us with.

He hears the word “hapa” used when people say “oh your babies are so beautiful, are they hapa?” Someday he’ll understand that means he’s half White, half Asian. But I hope to continue to foster an acceptance and appreciation of all people regardless of their race/ethnicity. I think if we could all keep the innocent mindset of children, there’d be a lot less judgment and confusion for sure. Not to mention we’d all have a ton more friends if all it took was one afternoon hanging out at the playground! Haha!

My son and I really enjoy this song:

https://youtu.be/UEzCQBwQkdA

Tiny Toes.

I pray that these tiny toes will go many places during my daughter’s life. Whether that be exploring different countries, leading children across school grounds, walking through the halls of __________.

Obviously I have no idea what her future holds, but I can control the present. I can help guide her (and my son’s) feet by being the best mom I possibly can. 

I strive to teach my children love, respect, discipline, humility, cooperation, and to instill the fact that asking for help is okay, that we can voice our opinions (but to realize they won’t always be accepted and furthermore they won’t always be correct), and that relationships are far more important than things.

I don’t have it all together.

I yell too much. Timeouts happen.

But so do “I’m sorry & I love you.”

This is real life. And I’m just trekking on...

A Fellow Mom.

Today as I was filling out forms at the doctor’s office I glanced up to see this young mother juggling her baby while trying to get formula powder into the bottle (I wish I had noticed earlier - I would have offered to help). The baby kicked, formula went all over her lap, and you could just see the tears well up in her eyes as she put the screaming baby back into the car seat so she could try again. 

I finished my forms and ripped out a notes page from my day planner (yeah, I still use one of those). I quickly wrote down this quote:

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day!” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I also added:

“Keep your head up momma, you’re doing a good job, we’ve all been there. Just try to enjoy that baby. God bless.” - A fellow Mom

I slipped it to her with my heart racing as I was called back to see the doctor. I’m not one to do these kinds of things normally, it makes me super anxious (just ask the nurse who took my vitals - oops my blood pressure was a tad high) but I’ve been reading Lisa Tykuerts’ “The Best Yes” and she takes about God appointments, and I don’t want to miss anymore opportunities to brighten someone’s day.